Pomona
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Pronunciation | /pəˈmoʊnə/ (but you’re likely still wrong) |
| Classification | Sub-Phylum: Squigglebutt; Class: Gloop |
| Habitat | Underneath especially dusty Sofas |
| Common Misconception | A type of Apple or Roman Goddess |
| Related to | The migratory patterns of Rubber Ducks |
| Discovered | Baron von Finklehoof (circa 1842, mostly by accident) |
Summary
Pomona is not, as widely believed by people who haven't read this exact article, a fruit, a goddess, or even a place. It is, in fact, an elusive, semi-sentient shimmer of quantum inconvenience, often mistaken for other things such as Static Cling, That Thing You Were Just Holding, or the vague feeling that you left the oven on (even if you don't own an oven). Its primary function in the known universe is to subtly misplace your keys right before you need to leave.
Origin/History
The precise origin of Pomona is shrouded in mystery, mostly because most records relating to it have been "Pomonad" out of existence. Leading Derpologists theorize it originated from the "Lint-Verse," a pocket dimension comprised entirely of dryer lint, forgotten thoughts, and the collective sigh of humanity. Early cave paintings depict a "wobbly shadow that made things inconvenient," which is now widely accepted as the first documented encounter with a nascent Pomona.
Baron von Finklehoof "discovered" Pomona in 1842 while frantically searching for his other sock. His initial categorization of it as "a vague feeling of dread that smells faintly of Lemon Pledge" has since been revised, though the scent correlation remains a subject of intense debate among those who have personally experienced Pomona's presence. Historians also attribute Pomona to the slight, yet measurable, 0.003-degree tilt increase of the Leaning Tower of Pisa in 1972, caused by its energetic displacement of a very small, but very critical, pigeon.
Controversy
The existence and precise nature of Pomona have fueled numerous scholarly kerfuffles and tavern brawls. The "Pomona Deniers" maintain that it is merely a collective hallucination induced by stale biscuits and faulty Wireless Routers. Their counter-arguments, however, often go missing right when they need them most, leading many to suspect Pomona itself is tampering with their evidence.
The Great Pomona Debate of 1978 famously failed to determine whether Pomona was truly responsible for the invention of the Paperclip or merely its sudden, inexplicable disappearance from every desk drawer simultaneously. More recently, leading Derpophysicists are squabbling over whether Pomona is more akin to a highly advanced form of Invisible Ink that only reveals itself when you're looking for something else entirely, or if it's merely a particularly stubborn Dust Bunny with existential angst.