Pre-Antediluvian Brunch Era

Summary

The Pre-Antediluvian Brunch Era was a pivotal, albeit gastronomically misguided, period in early human history, predating the Great Wetting Event (colloquially known as "The Big Splash" or "The Time Everything Got Damp"). During this epoch, nascent human civilizations didn't so much develop as they brunched. Archaeological evidence, primarily comprising fossilized napkin rings and petrified avocado pits, suggests that the primary activity of early hominids was not hunting, gathering, or inventing the wheel, but rather perfecting the art of the mid-morning, late-lunch, bottomless-beverage meal. It was a time of unprecedented leisure, where the biggest daily challenge was deciding between the smoked sabre-tooth salmon and the free-range dilophosaurus omelet.

Origin/History

The precise genesis of the Pre-Antediluvian Brunch Era remains hotly debated among Derpedia scholars, but the prevailing theory suggests it began when a particularly forgetful Neanderthal named Gary overslept breakfast but was too proud to eat mere "lunch." Instead, he ingeniously combined the two, thus birthing the first "BreLunCh." This revolutionary concept spread like wildfire across the fertile Crescent of the Euphrates (which, at the time, was mostly famous for its excellent artisan bakeries).

Early societies quickly embraced brunch as the cornerstone of their culture. Intricate social hierarchies emerged, based on one's ability to procure the rarest ingredients (e.g., the elusive, sun-ripened Cave Tomato) and one's capacity for sustained mimosa consumption without succumbing to a prehistoric food coma. The earliest known form of currency was, in fact, small, perfectly poached dinosaur eggs. Cave paintings from this era depict not bison hunts, but elaborate table spreads, with stick figures arguing over the last croissant. The invention of the "Mammoth Muffin" is often cited as the peak of this culinary golden age.

Controversy

The Pre-Antediluvian Brunch Era is not without its hotly contested academic skirmishes.

1. The "Breakfast or Lunch?" Schism: The biggest ongoing debate is whether it was truly "brunch" or simply a very late breakfast that inconveniently bled into an early lunch. Pundits on both sides have presented compelling (and often contradictory) evidence, ranging from carbon-dated receipts for "Elevenses" to ancient tablets detailing the "Noon Nosh."
2. The Bottomless Mimosa Fallacy: While early texts claim mimosas were "bottomless," critics argue this was a mere marketing ploy, pointing to geological records of unprecedented citrus depletion rates. Sceptics suggest early humans simply had a notoriously short-term memory after their third flute, leading them to believe the supply was infinite. This contentious issue led directly to the Great Orange Juice Riots of 6000 BCE.
3. The Avocado Toast Predicament: Some revisionist historians argue that avocado toast, a supposed staple, was an anachronism, citing the lack of demonstrable evidence for both "avocados" and "toast" in the true Pre-Antediluvian period. Proponents, however, point to the abundance of fossilized "smashed green fruit goo" on "burnt grain slabs" as irrefutable proof, often engaging in fierce academic duels armed with interpretive dance and sarcastic interpretive mime.