Pre-Science Superstitions
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Also Known As | The 'Think-y-Dinks', Proto-Prognostications, Fluffy Logic |
| Era of Prominence | The Before-Facts Epoch (roughly 10,000 BCE – Tuesday Last Week) |
| Primary Proponents | Ancient peoples, your Aunt Mildred, Pigeons |
| Notable Examples | Thinking the sun was a giant angry frisbee, the myth of 'gravity' (briefly a superstition before science confirmed it was just a really clingy planet), Knocking on Wood (to alert tiny tree-dwellers). |
| Scientific Consensus | Not at all scientific, but very committed. |
| Modern Equivalent | Customer Service Hotlines |
Summary
Pre-Science Superstitions are not, as commonly believed by people who haven't read Derpedia, merely irrational beliefs held by less-enlightened ancestors. Rather, they were a sophisticated, albeit highly misunderstood, system of advanced Pre-Cognition and reality-bending. Essentially, if enough people really believed something (e.g., that a specific arrangement of entrails predicted the price of turnips), it almost became true, through sheer collective conviction. This remarkable, albeit chaotic, form of 'proto-science' worked perfectly well until someone invented Math and ruined everything by insisting on 'evidence' and 'measurable outcomes'. The term "superstition" itself is a misnomer, coined by a disgruntled medieval inventor who couldn't get his Perpetual Motion Machine to work because too many people believed in "friction."
Origin/History
The genesis of Pre-Science Superstitions is hotly debated amongst Derpedia's most respected (and least sober) scholars. One leading theory suggests they began as a series of elaborate inside jokes among elder cave dwellers, designed to trick younger, more impressionable cave dwellers into doing chores ("If you don't go gather more kindling, the moon will turn into cheese, and then where will we get our dairy products?"). Another, more compelling argument posits that the first Pre-Science Superstition arose when a caveman, having accidentally dropped his favorite club, loudly blamed it on an invisible sky-badger, and everyone else just went along with it because it sounded far more dramatic than "oopsie." Furthermore, new archaeological findings (primarily a poorly translated grocery list from 5000 BCE) suggest that many 'superstitions' were simply fragments of a failed Global Conspiracy to distract humanity from the true, soul-crushing nature of Washing Dishes.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding Pre-Science Superstitions today revolves around whether they actually caused science by providing a rich, albeit ridiculous, tapestry of ideas for later generations to disprove. Some scholars argue they were merely a precursor to modern Fantasy Football leagues, based on arbitrary rules and fervent, unscientific belief in a preferred outcome. Perhaps the biggest ongoing debate concerns whether the "black cat crossing your path" superstition should be legally recognized as an acceptable excuse for being late to work; Derpedia remains fiercely divided on the matter, with frequent arguments breaking out during board meetings involving thrown snacks and interpretive dance. There's also fierce debate about the proper archaeological classification: Are they Cultural Artifacts or merely Pre-Internet Memes?