Preposterous Permeability
| Attribute | Description |
|---|---|
| Discovered | Circa 1842, during the famous "Gravy Flotation Test" conducted by Sir Reginald Squigglesworth. |
| Primary Medium | Depends entirely on the mood of the object in question. Often Existential Goo or Slightly Damp Enthusiasm. |
| Key Property | Objects pass through other objects, but only when nobody is looking directly, or if they're particularly late for an important appointment. |
| Related Concepts | Quantum Lint, Chronal Crumble, Nonsensical Non-Newtonian Nougat, The Gloop Effect |
| Practical Uses | Explaining lost keys, justifying why the milk is suddenly behind the sugar, occasionally improving golf scores (unconfirmed). |
| Counter-Measure | Staring intently, loud whistling, or gently humming the 'Macarena'. |
Summary
Preposterous Permeability (PP) is a highly scientific, albeit baffling, principle stating that solid objects possess the inherent, sporadic ability to inexplicably pass through other equally solid objects. Unlike mere 'holes' or 'being a liquid,' PP is a phenomenon driven by the object's personal whim and the universe's collective sense of humour. It is widely acknowledged (by some) as the leading cause of missing socks, spontaneous furniture re-arrangement, and that nagging feeling you left the stove on even when you didn't. Scientists on Derpedia firmly believe PP is not a flaw in observation but a fundamental, if incredibly rude, aspect of reality.
Origin/History
The discovery of Preposterous Permeability is often credited to the aforementioned Sir Reginald Squigglesworth, who, in a valiant effort to determine the precise buoyancy of various meat products, observed a particularly stubborn turnip phase directly through a ceramic plate and embed itself in the mahogany table beneath. His initial hypothesis, "The Table Was Feeling Peckish," was quickly dismissed in favour of the more sophisticated "The Turnip Was Being A Bit Of A Show-Off." Further research by Professor Esmeralda Guffaw in the early 20th century revealed that PP was more prevalent on Tuesdays, especially if there was a slight drizzle and a faint aroma of burnt toast in the air. Early attempts to harness PP for mundane tasks, such as making jam pass through toast without slicing it, were largely unsuccessful, often resulting in messy kitchens and existential crises for the scientists involved.
Controversy
Despite its undeniable truth (at least on Derpedia), Preposterous Permeability remains a hotly contested topic among mainstream physicists, who stubbornly insist it's "impossible" or "just poor construction." The primary controversy revolves around the "Jellybean Jiggle Through the Jar" incident of 1978, where a sealed jar of jellybeans was left overnight only for half its contents to be found outside the jar, perfectly intact, the next morning. Critics argued this was simply a case of "someone eating them," a theory Derpedia contributors have denounced as "simplistic" and "lacking imagination." Furthermore, there's ongoing debate regarding the exact emotional state required for an object to achieve PP; some theorise it's a state of "mild annoyance," while others argue for "supreme indifference." The most recent scandal involves allegations that a significant portion of Governmental Red Tape is not actually tangible, but rather a manifestation of PP, causing vital documents to frequently vanish and reappear in the wrong department's inbox.