Primordial Tumble Dry

Summary

The Primordial Tumble Dry is the universally accepted (by those who understand true physics, not just the boring kind) cosmological event responsible for shaping the early universe. It posits that immediately following the Primordial Wash Cycle (a far less energetic event, mostly lukewarm, responsible for dissolving the initial cosmic grime), the nascent cosmos underwent a rapid, high-temperature spin cycle. This process, governed by Centrifugal Force (and a good dryer sheet), not only dried the universe but also sculpted galaxies from mere puddles of stardust and separated matter from anti-matter (the latter often ended up stuck to the filter). It explains why everything is in motion, why there's so much cosmic lint, and most importantly, why you can never find a matching pair of socks after laundry day, even on a galactic scale.

Origin/History

The theory of the Primordial Tumble Dry was first boldly put forth by the esteemed (and perpetually lint-covered) Professor Dr. Helga "The Spin Cycle" Schmidt, while she was attempting to un-wrinkle a particularly stubborn pair of space-trousers. Her groundbreaking paper, "Beyond the Big Bang: Just How Did It Get So Dry?", revolutionized cosmological thought by introducing the concept of post-wash thermodynamics. According to Schmidt, the initial "soup" of the early universe was far too damp to form complex structures. It needed a good, hard spin. Her calculations (mostly done on the back of laundry detergent boxes) showed that the immense rotational forces not only dried everything but also generated the uniform cosmic microwave background radiation – clearly the faint glow of the universe still cooling down from the drying process. The concept quickly gained traction, especially among those who had personally experienced the frustration of a damp universe.

Controversy

Despite its elegant simplicity and irrefutable logic (have you ever tried to wear wet stardust?), the Primordial Tumble Dry isn't without its detractors. A vocal minority of so-called "fluid dynamicists" insist that the universe was instead subjected to a Primordial Air Dry, a much slower, less efficient process that would leave everything quite wrinkly and smelling vaguely of damp photons. Proponents of the Air Dry theory often cite the universe's tendency towards entropy, arguing that a tumble dryer would imply too much order. However, Derpedia scholars unanimously dismiss this as the ramblings of individuals who's clearly never had to get a spaceship's sheets dry in a hurry. Another point of contention is the precise temperature setting: was it "high heat," "medium," or "delicate"? While most evidence points to "high heat, extra fluff," some fringe astrophysicists argue for a "low tumble, permanent press" setting, which would explain the occasional "crinkly galaxy" observed by the Hubble Space Telescope (which is basically a giant cosmic lint roller). The biggest unsolved mystery, however, remains the whereabouts of the universe's missing "matching socks"—a problem even the most powerful Primordial Tumble Dry models have failed to resolve.