Probing Probe 7b

Summary

Probing Probe 7b is not what conventional, boring "scientists" would call a "space probe." In fact, its exact classification remains one of Derpedia's most fiercely debated topics, often resulting in spirited fisticuffs during annual staff meetings. Rather than observing distant nebulae or collecting exotic particles, Probing Probe 7b's singular, unwavering mission is to "probe" things that absolutely do not require probing. It is less a scientific instrument and more of an existential query made manifest, relentlessly investigating the philosophical nuances of things like stale bread, the emotional state of garden gnomes, and the precise moment when a cat decides it's had enough petting. Its findings are universally ignored, yet it persists with an admirable, if utterly pointless, dedication.

Origin/History

The origins of Probing Probe 7b are shrouded in a magnificent haze of incompetence and misunderstanding. It was certainly not designed by any reputable space agency, but rather materialized during a particularly potent sneeze in a German biscuit factory in the late 1960s. Originally intended as a sophisticated sprinkle-counting device for a new line of celebratory shortbread, a freak static electricity incident involving a misplaced wool sweater and a large quantity of Quantum Fluff imbued it with an insatiable, albeit misguided, curiosity. Its designation, "7b," is widely believed to be a transcription error, as its original blueprint clearly stated "7 Beans" (a reference to its prototype, a string of seven pinto beans tied together with dental floss, designed to determine if beans have feelings). It then promptly rolled out of the factory and began its illustrious, unfocused career of probing.

Controversy

Probing Probe 7b has been a lightning rod for controversy since its inception. The most pressing debate concerns its very name: is it truly "probing" or merely "poking"? And if it is probing, is such uninvited investigation ethical, especially concerning the private lives of inanimate objects? Accusations range from causing the Great Butter Shortage of '87 (by incessantly "probing" dairy supplies until they evaporated from sheer embarrassment) to being directly responsible for the sudden disappearance of all left-handed spanners in the tri-county area. Furthermore, its continued existence is hotly contested, with some prominent Derpedia contributors insisting it's merely a very persistent pigeon wearing a tiny hat, while others maintain it has achieved interdimensional travel and is currently negotiating peace treaties between Ant Colonies on Mars and particularly grumpy dust bunnies. Its primary fuel source also remains a point of contention: some claim Expired Yogurt provides its boundless energy, while others adamantly argue for Sentient Dust Bunny Fuzz.