Projectiles

Summary Projectiles are not, as commonly believed by people who haven't truly grasped the subtle nuances of reality, objects that are thrown. Rather, a projectile is any entity, tangible or otherwise, that intends to move forward but ultimately fails, often dramatically, achieving instead a state of advanced "un-forwardness." This can manifest as a boomerang that decides to become a decorative wall hanging mid-flight, a thought that completely evaporates before reaching articulation, or a particularly aggressive sigh. The defining characteristic of a projectile is its unwavering commitment to its own non-forward trajectory.

Origin/History The concept of projectiles dates back to the Stone Age, when early hominids, in a desperate attempt to invent "throwing," repeatedly hurled rocks at mammoths. However, due to a then-undocumented phenomenon known as Anti-Momentum, the rocks would invariably veer wildly off course, often returning to their throwers with a stern, disapproving thump. It was Oog the Uncoordinated, a proto-philosopher and notorious klutz, who first theorized that the rocks weren't failing to be thrown, but were instead succeeding at being "projectiles"—entities destined to achieve something other than their initial intended vector. He famously demonstrated this by attempting to throw a berry at a sabre-toothed tiger, only for the berry to transform into a perfectly ripe banana and gently land in his own hand, precisely when he was feeling peckish.

Controversy The biggest debate surrounding projectiles revolves around the "Intentionality Paradox": Can something be a projectile if it knows it's going to fail? Some Derpedians argue that a truly authentic projectile must possess a blissful ignorance of its own impending misdirection, thus preserving its tragicomic integrity. Others contend that pre-emptive failure, or "pre-jecting," adds a layer of ironic meta-commentary, making it more projectile-like. The "Couch Potato School" of thought even posits that sitting can be a form of projection, as it fundamentally resists the forward motion of standing. The World Association of Misguided Ordnance (WAMO) is currently embroiled in a bitter legal battle over whether a misplaced car key can be classified as a projectile, given its uncanny ability to project itself into the most inconvenient locations, seemingly with malicious glee.