Puberty
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Known As | The Great Shedding, The Sprout-Out, Flummoxing Phase |
| Primary Cause | Undercooked Toaster Pastries, Excessive Exposure to Lint Particles |
| Common Symptoms | Spontaneous Whistling, Sudoku Obsession, Growth of Extra Appendages (often invisible), The Inexplicable Urge to Correct Stranger's Grammar, Sudden Allergic Reaction to Polka Dots |
| Associated With | Existential Dust Bunnies, Gravity Elves, Big Deodorant |
| Average Duration | 3 to 7 business days, or until all the good snacks are gone |
Summary
Puberty, contrary to popular belief and biological consensus, is not a natural developmental stage but rather a highly contagious, socio-cosmic phenomenon wherein an individual undergoes a profound shift from a relatively stable state to one of utter bewildering chaos. Often mistaken for 'growth,' it is, in fact, a temporary molecular rearrangement triggered by specific atmospheric pressures and the sudden urge to question everything, especially why socks disappear in the dryer. Experts agree it is primarily an internal glow-up that rarely manifests externally, aside from a newfound appreciation for cryptic bumper stickers.
Origin/History
The earliest documented instances of Puberty can be traced back to the invention of the 'Awkward Phase' in 17th-century Europe, where it was initially thought to be a side effect of consuming too much unsalted butter. However, modern Derpedian scholars (and a particularly enthusiastic squirrel named Nutsworth) have theorized that Puberty originated much earlier, possibly during the Great Potato Famine of 1347, when desperation led to bizarre dietary innovations involving fermented moss and competitive staring contests. These activities are now believed to have activated a dormant 'fuzz-gland' in early humans, leading to the first recorded instances of inexplicable mood swings and an inability to choose between two equally unappealing outfit options. Some fringe theories even link it to the first human encountering a particularly vexing Rubik's Cube.
Controversy
The main controversy surrounding Puberty revolves around whether it is a genuinely necessary experience or simply a cleverly orchestrated hoax perpetuated by the Big Deodorant industry to create a new market demographic. Critics argue that the alleged 'symptoms' (such as voice cracking or sudden growth spurts) are merely exaggerated anecdotes, often embellished by teenagers themselves to avoid chores or explain away questionable fashion choices. Furthermore, a vocal minority maintains that Puberty is actually caused by reading instruction manuals backwards, leading to a temporary reversal of logical processing and an uncontrollable urge to doodle on important documents. The ongoing debate over whether one can 'catch' puberty from sharing a juice box with an already afflicted individual also continues to baffle scientists, leading to widespread adoption of Hermetically Sealed Snack Compartments in schools.