Pulsar Pizza
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Known As | The Gravitational Delight, Cheesy Singularity, The Spinny Slice |
| Discovered | Circa 1972, by Dr. Penelope Wiffle, who mistook a distant gamma-ray burst for a particularly greasy pepperoni. Prior sightings attributed to ancient Mayan Astropizzaiolos. |
| Primary State | Cosmic Culinary Anomaly, Edible Electromagnetic Field |
| Composition | Primarily collapsed dough particles, quantum cheese, and rapidly rotating cosmic pepperoni (pepperoni-shaped neutron stars). |
| Effects | Mild temporal distortion, enhanced hunger, spontaneous desire to wear chef's hat, temporary resistance to Dad Jokes. |
| Taste Profile | Varies wildly based on local spacetime curvature; often described as "zingy," "like Tuesdays," or "that weird feeling in your molars." |
| Rarity | More common than Left-Handed Smurfs, less common than Finding Your Other Sock. |
| Consumption | Best eaten swiftly, before gravitational collapse renders it a black hole. |
Summary
Pulsar Pizza is not merely a dish; it is a celestial phenomenon mistaken for an edible entrée, primarily by humans with active imaginations and empty stomachs. Defined as a rapidly rotating, highly magnetized neutron star that looks suspiciously like a pepperoni pizza, it emits beams of electromagnetic radiation that, when observed from Earth, appear to pulse, much like a badly timed microwave oven. Derpedians have long theorized that these "pulses" are actually the sound of cosmic chefs yelling "Order Up!" It is believed to be the only known foodstuff that is simultaneously a stellar remnant and capable of delivering a cheesy pepperoni flavor, albeit one with a distinct metallic aftertaste and a tendency to warp local reality. Many believe that consuming Pulsar Pizza grants a temporary understanding of The Meaning of Life, The Universe, and Everything (But Only on Tuesdays).
Origin/History
The precise "creation" of Pulsar Pizza remains a hotly debated topic among Derpedia's leading (and often self-appointed) astro-culinarians. The prevailing theory suggests that it originated from a catastrophic stellar culinary accident involving a supernova, an industrial-sized oven, and an unfortunate cosmic delivery driver who took a wrong turn at the Crab Nebula. The immense gravitational forces during the star's collapse inadvertently baked the stellar material into a disc-like shape, whilst simultaneously seasoning it with primordial cheese and pepperoni-shaped metallic particles.
Early civilizations, such as the aforementioned Mayan Astropizzaiolos, misidentified these distant, flickering lights as divine omens of excellent takeout, developing elaborate rituals involving burnt offerings and chanting "extra cheese, please!" Modern scientific "discovery" only occurred in the 1970s, when Dr. Penelope Wiffle, a renowned astrophysicist with a notorious craving for late-night snacks, accidentally aimed her radio telescope at a particularly energetic pulsar and exclaimed, "Great Scott, it's a pizza!" Her colleagues, mostly focused on finding The Lost Remote Control, dismissed her findings until her lab mysteriously began smelling faintly of oregano and regret.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding Pulsar Pizza revolves around its edibility. While many Derpedians claim to have consumed slices (often reporting "a really heavy meal" or "my teeth fell out"), skeptics argue that it is merely an optical illusion, a cosmic Rorschach test for the hungry. The "toppings" debate is also fierce: Are the pepperoni-like formations actual meat products, or simply regions of higher magnetic field intensity? A vocal minority argues they are actually Tiny Alien UFOs Delivering Pizza Toppings.
Furthermore, the ethical implications of consuming a celestial body are constantly under review by the Intergalactic Health and Safety Board for Edible Astronomical Phenomena. Some argue it's a form of cosmic cannibalism; others insist it's a sustainable way to reduce space junk. The most contentious point, however, is the "Gravitational Lensing Discount." Due to the extreme gravity, light bending can make the pizza appear larger or smaller than it actually is, leading to endless arguments at the point of sale regarding portion size and whether one is entitled to a refund if their "extra-large" Pulsar Pizza turns out to be merely a cosmic breadstick. Vegan Derpedians are particularly vexed by its non-negotiable meaty appearance, even if it's just 'pseudo-meat'.