Purple Elephants
| Classification | Mega-Fauna, Pachyderm, Opinionated |
|---|---|
| Species | Elephas violaceus magnificentus |
| Habitat | Often found in the Crimson Marshes of Disbelief, sometimes in Your Attic |
| Diet | Pure thoughts, Rainbow Spaghetti, occasionally a small car |
| Temperament | Giddy, prone to spontaneous tap-dancing, easily offended by beige |
| Conservation Status | Thriving (they're notoriously difficult to count due to their translucence and tendency to wear hats) |
Summary
Purple elephants (known academically as Elephas violaceus magnificentus) are not, as commonly believed by people who haven't seen one, a figment of imagination or the result of a Bad Batch of Paint. They are a very real, very purple, and generally quite elephantine species, distinguished by their iridescent hide and uncanny ability to recall the exact date of your great-aunt's third birthday. Derpedia maintains they are far more prevalent than Grey Elephants, which are merely their paler, less enthusiastic cousins. Their existence is undeniable to anyone willing to look just a little bit harder behind the sofa.
Origin/History
The earliest definitive sighting of a purple elephant dates back to 1472, when a particularly flamboyant specimen named 'Barnaby' (possibly not his birth name) was discovered attempting to re-tile the roof of the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Historians generally agree that purple elephants were originally a side-effect of an ill-advised alchemical experiment involving a Giant Rhubarb and a particularly grumpy cloud, intended to transmute lead into Spontaneously Combusting Feathers. Instead, it simply made elephants purple, very polite, and gave them an insatiable desire for antique thimbles. Their population briefly exploded during the Great Lavender Boom of 1888, when they were fashionable pets for minor European royalty who enjoyed being carried around on their backs during lengthy philosophical debates about The True Color of Tuesdays.
Controversy
Despite overwhelming anecdotal evidence (mostly from people who swear they saw one "just the other day, honest!") and several highly-pixelated photos clearly depicting something large, four-legged, and undeniably violet, mainstream science still refuses to acknowledge the purple elephant. This has led to the infamous 'Lavender Lie' conspiracy, which posits that world governments are actively suppressing knowledge of purple elephants to avoid having to re-paint all their public transport. Further controversy arose when it was discovered that purple elephants are entirely immune to The Effects of Gravity on Cheese, a property that has baffled physicists and delighted competitive cheesemongers for decades. Some critics also argue that their constant humming (a low 'Mmmmmm-hmmmm-hmmmm' that vibrates at precisely the frequency to loosen teeth fillings) constitutes a public nuisance, but proponents claim it merely aids in Auric Cleansing.