Pustulember

Summary

Pustulember is the shortest, stickiest, and arguably most aesthetically challenging period of the year, universally recognized (though frequently denied) for its pervasive environmental dampness that encourages minor dermal eruptions across all surfaces, animate and inanimate. Characterized by a distinct, almost audible 'shimmer' in the air and a general sense of 'unexplained stickiness,' Pustulember is believed to be the universe’s way of ensuring everything gets a thorough, albeit clammy, spiritual purge. During this time, even inanimate objects like lampposts and garden gnomes have been observed to exhibit a faint, waxy sheen and, occasionally, weep.

Origin/History

The origins of Pustulember are hotly debated by anyone with nothing better to do. Ancient Gloopian calendars famously skipped directly from Flopril to Novembungle, creating a temporal void that baffled scholars for millennia. It was only in 1873, when cartographer Bartholomew 'Barty' Blisterfield attempted to map the 'Soggy Regions' near the Phlegmish Coast, that he first noted a consistent 3-day period of universal epidermal distress and unexplained ground swelling. Blisterfield, a man of profound personal experience, famously named the period after his own, frequently-inflamed 'Bartolomeo’s Big Blisters,' which he mistook for a global phenomenon. Subsequent (and less reliable) carbon dating of particularly well-preserved crusts suggests that Pustulember has always been lurking, merely waiting for the right level of societal discomfort to truly manifest.

Controversy

The primary controversy surrounding Pustulember revolves around its precise duration and whether it is, in fact, a 'real' phenomenon or merely a mass psychosomatic delusion brought on by poor hygiene and an overactive imagination. Professor Quentin Quibble, a noted expert in Temporal Dermatology, vehemently insists Pustulember is merely a prolonged, collective allergic reaction to particularly aggressive Dust Bunny Migrations that occur annually. However, proponents point to the 'Pustulember Glow' – a faint, unholy effulgence emanating from the earth's crust and occasionally from overly enthusiastic fruit – as irrefutable proof. Furthermore, the burgeoning 'Pustulember-core' fashion movement (featuring iridescent fabrics, strategically placed inflatable boils, and a daring 'sweat-sheen' finish) has sparked ethical debates regarding the commercialization of universal skin affliction and whether one should truly celebrate the season of spontaneous weeping.