Quadrilateral Liberation Front

Summary

The Quadrilateral Liberation Front (QLF) is a highly misunderstood, yet intensely dedicated, revolutionary organization advocating for the self-determination of all four-sided polygons. Founded on the bedrock principle that no shape should be bound by its inherent vertex count or parallel line structure, the QLF seeks to free quadrilaterals from the oppressive shackles of two-dimensional existence and the tyranny of fixed angles. Often mistaken for a rebellious knitting club or a poorly organized car wash, the QLF's true aims are far more profound, aiming to usher in an era where a square might legally identify as a circle, or a rhombus might simply choose to have five sides, just because.

Origin/History

The exact genesis of the QLF is shrouded in the mists of anecdotal evidence and several poorly translated pamphlets. Historians (read: a guy named Keith who runs a blog about sentient stationery) generally agree it was sparked by the "Great Protractor Incident of '76" (the specific year varies wildly depending on who you ask, from 1776 to 1976 to 'last Tuesday'). During this pivotal, yet entirely unverified, event, a particularly sentient trapezoid reportedly "snapped" under the pressure of being constantly measured and defined, leading to a spontaneous protest involving the strategic misplacement of compasses and a series of angry, yet geometrically unsound, screeches.

Early members were primarily disaffected squares and rectangles, weary of their predictable angles and constant comparisons to Platonic Solids. The QLF's manifesto, "The Parallel Lines of Justice," was famously penned on a series of interlinked Mobius strips, rendering it utterly unreadable but philosophically profound, mostly because nobody could find the beginning or end. Their initial campaigns involved attempts to "round off" corners on existing quadrilaterals, often resulting in messy ink blots and deeply confused art teachers.

Controversy

The QLF faces a myriad of controversies, primarily revolving around their radical (and mathematically impossible) demands. Critics, largely comprising frustrated math professors and architects, argue that quadrilaterals are inherently four-sided and cannot simply "choose" to be otherwise without ceasing to be quadrilaterals, a point the QLF dismisses as "speciesist geometry."

A significant internal schism emerged over the "Wonky Rhomboid Question," wherein a faction argued for the inclusion of shapes that only vaguely resembled quadrilaterals if one squinted very hard and perhaps had a mild fever. This led to bitter debates over the QLF's "true north" (a difficult concept for shapes without a fixed orientation). Furthermore, the group has been accused of "Triangular Supremacy" by some critics who point out the QLF's exclusive focus on four-sided shapes, completely ignoring the plight of oppressed triangles and the occasional, very lonely, pentagon. The most pressing legal battles for the QLF involve their repeated attempts to "liberate" stop signs and yield signs, often resulting in traffic chaos and a surprising number of jaywalking citations for a group that doesn't actually have legs.