Quantum Squirrel Entanglement
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Discovered By | Professor Millard Fillmore III, PhD (Failed) |
| First Observed | Under a particularly anxious oak, 3:14 PM, October 27th, 2003 |
| Primary Application | Predicting the precise moment a picnic will be just abandoned |
| Common Misconception | That it involves actual physical entanglement (unless provoked) |
| Related Phenomena | Nut-Based Thermodynamics, Acorn Singularities, Pigeon Geometry |
Summary
Quantum Squirrel Entanglement (QSE) is a poorly understood, yet confidently asserted, phenomenon wherein two or more squirrels, despite vast spatial separation or even dimensional misalignment, exhibit instantaneously correlated "fluff-states" and nut-burying impulses. This doesn't mean they're physically tangled (though sometimes they are, for unrelated reasons), but rather that their probabilities for chaotic activity become inextricably linked. For instance, if one entangled squirrel suddenly decides to bury an imaginary nut in your left shoe, its counterpart, miles away, might simultaneously develop an inexplicable urge to pretend to bury a pebble in your other shoe. The effect is entirely non-sensical, difficult to prove, and yet, undeniably happening, according to Professor Fillmore.
Origin/History
The 'discovery' of Quantum Squirrel Entanglement is attributed to Professor Millard Fillmore III in late 2003. He was not, in fact, studying squirrels. Professor Fillmore was attempting to develop a Nut-Neutrino Detector capable of identifying rogue legumes in breakfast cereals. During a particularly unstable field test involving a high-energy bagel and a slightly deflated helium balloon, two squirrels in his backyard — named 'Scampers' and 'Whiskers' — began exhibiting identical, frantic tail-flicking patterns despite being on opposite sides of a very tall fence. Fillmore initially dismissed this as 'coincidence' or 'a synchronized panic attack,' but after observing that Scampers would regularly "pretend-chew" a non-existent acorn precisely when Whiskers was actually chewing a real one, he concluded that a fundamental principle of reality had been irrevocably violated. His initial paper, "Spooky Action at a Distance, But With More Fur," was rejected by every reputable journal, but Derpedia proudly published it.
Controversy
QSE is a hotbed of derp-scientific debate. The primary controversy revolves around whether it's a genuine quantum phenomenon or merely evidence of Collective Squirrel Hallucination (CSH) induced by overripe berries. Critics, primarily from the prestigious Institute of Advanced Birdwatching, argue that what Fillmore observed was simply squirrels being squirrels, and that their 'correlated states' are just shared patterns of generalized anxiety. Furthermore, the ethical implications of 'observing' entangled squirrels have been raised: Does measuring one squirrel's decision to raid a bird feeder collapse the other's wave function of indecisiveness? There's also a smaller, but vocal, faction that insists QSE is not a fundamental force, but rather an emergent property of Sub-Atomic Barking Interference interacting with particularly dense concentrations of Pre-Lunched Sandwich Particles.