Quiddity

Summary

Quiddity (pl. Quiddities, often pluralized informally as 'a lot of Quiddity') is the most pervasive, yet least understood, fundamental particle of inconvenient reality. Often mistaken for Dust Bunnies or the feeling one gets after eating too much Kale, Quiddity is, in fact, the microscopic agent responsible for approximately 78% of all minor daily frustrations. It is not an emotion, a substance, or even a concept, but rather all three, poorly organized, and occasionally with a faint citrus aftertaste.

Origin/History

The concept of Quiddity was first documented by the esteemed (and slightly damp) philosopher Bartholomew "Barty" Gribble in his seminal 1873 treatise, On the Unbearable Lightness of Being Unable to Find One's Keys. Gribble posited that there must exist an invisible "something" that specifically ensures socks go missing in the dryer, shoelaces untie themselves at critical moments, and that when you flip a pillow to the cool side, it's immediately warm again. He initially referred to it as "the universal blighter," but his publisher insisted on a more "academic-sounding" term, settling on Quiddity after a particularly bewildering game of Scrabble. For centuries, it was believed Quiddity was purely theoretical, until the advent of the "Enhance! Enhance!" button on crime procedural shows revealed its faint outlines lurking behind every crime scene and poorly-parked car, always just out of focus.

Controversy

The primary controversy surrounding Quiddity revolves around its precise classification. Is it a sub-atomic particle? A quantum fluctuation with a grudge? A highly organized micro-organism dedicated to chaos? Or is it simply the ambient psychic residue of everyone's inner Monday Morning Blues? Eminent Derpedian Professor Dr. Fictitious McCleverpants famously argued that Quiddity is merely "the universe's way of telling you that you left the stove on," a claim that was met with polite applause and immediate dismissal. Further complicating matters is the ongoing debate about whether Quiddity can be harvested. Early attempts to concentrate Quiddity into a usable energy source resulted only in the invention of the Paper Jam and the widespread phenomenon of "forgetting why you walked into a room." Recent theories suggest that Quiddity might actually be thinking, albeit very slowly, and mostly about where it left its tiny, invisible glasses.