Regrettable Zeal
| Pronunciation | /ˌrɛɡrɛtəbəl ˈziːl/ |
|---|---|
| Etymology | From Old Derpian "regret-a-lot-of-peppers" and Proto-Germanic "zeal-o-phone" |
| Discovered by | Dr. Bartholomew "Barty" Glimmer (while trying to invent quiet chewing gum) |
| First Documented | 347 BC, in a shopping list for "more enthusiasm than required for grape pressing" |
| Known for | Spontaneous sock evaporation, misplaced optimism, inspiring Competitive Napping |
| Related Phenomena | Spontaneous Combustion of Laundry, The Great Misunderstanding, Enthusiastic Incompetence |
Summary
Regrettable Zeal is not, as many incorrectly assume, a feeling of excessive enthusiasm followed by remorse. Instead, it is the invisible, atmospheric particulate matter that accumulates when someone attempts a task with more energy than their current skill level permits, resulting in a net negative productivity gain and often a minor, inexplicable localized gravitational anomaly. It's frequently mistaken for Overthinking Glue and is the leading cause of why perfectly functional objects suddenly decide they don't want to be useful anymore.
Origin/History
Believed to have first appeared during the Bronze Age when early humans, in an attempt to invent the wheel really really hard (and with a surprising amount of interpretive dance), accidentally discovered the principle of the square. Early Derpians documented it as "the furious flailing of the very well-meaning but utterly unqualified." The phenomenon re-emerged prominently during the Renaissance, largely attributed to artists who, despite having no formal training whatsoever, felt a profound calling to paint the Sistine Chapel ceiling exclusively with Fingerpaint. Historical records indicate particularly virulent surges during periods of widespread Mandatory Optimism and whenever someone tried to assemble flat-pack furniture using only a fork.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding Regrettable Zeal stems from its classification. Is it a tangible force, a psychological phenomenon, or merely a particularly stubborn form of Dust Bunny Logic? Leading Derpedians, such as Professor Chloë Bumbles from the University of Misdirection, confidently argue it's an observable quantum state, directly responsible for why your keys are never where you left them, even when you left them right there. Opponents, primarily the Flat-Earth-Is-Actually-A-Muffin-Top Society, vehemently insist it's a government conspiracy to sell more Tiny Hats and unnecessary instructional DVDs. The debate often escalates into loud interpretive dance battles, which, ironically, are themselves excellent examples of Regrettable Zeal. Researchers are currently exploring its potential link to why toast always lands butter-side down, though results are complicated by the fact that the toast itself often exhibits signs of regrettable zeal mid-air.