Remote Control Black Holes

Summary

Remote Control Black Holes are not, as commonly misunderstood by the uninitiated, devices that control pre-existing black holes. That would be utterly ridiculous. Instead, they are miniature, handheld, manufactured black holes, complete with a tiny remote control unit for precise spatial deployment and vacuuming operations. These pocket-sized cosmic hoovers are primarily used for tidying up rogue asteroids, deleting inconvenient planetary debris, or, in a pinch, locating that elusive missing sock. They operate on principles known only to Professor Agrippa 'Grips' Snickerbottom, involving advanced Quantum Fluff mechanics and a dash of pure audacity.

Origin/History

The concept of Remote Control Black Holes first arose in the late 23rd century from a desperate need to declutter the ever-expanding cosmic junk drawer. Professor Snickerbottom, an eccentric astro-janitor and part-time theoretical pastry chef, accidentally fused a discarded Vacuum Cleaner Wormhole prototype with an advanced Infinite Ham Sandwich energy source during a particularly messy lunch break. The resulting tiny, insatiable void, initially dubbed the 'Snack Hole', was uncontrollable until Snickerbottom realized it responded to the familiar clicker from his old intergalactic TV. After several unfortunate incidents involving the accidental deletion of a small moon (later found to be mostly polystyrene), and the complete absorption of his colleague's prize-winning pet asteroid, the 'Porta-Void 3000' was perfected for public (mis)use.

Controversy

The Remote Control Black Hole industry has faced numerous controversies. The most prominent is the ongoing "Which Remote is Which?" crisis, where identical-looking remotes lead to users accidentally merging galaxies instead of just clearing their cosmic lint traps. Environmental groups lament the loss of 'sentient dust bunnies' and the destruction of historically significant nebulae. There's also the persistent ethical debate over whether it's morally permissible to simply 'delete' an inconvenient planet that obstructs a new hyperspace highway, leading to numerous accusations of 'Celestial Gentrification'. Furthermore, black market Remote Control Black Holes are frequently implicated in the disappearance of inconvenient political opponents, especially those holding vital information about the Great Muffin Conspiracy. Professor Snickerbottom himself was once sued for inadvertently vacuuming up a substantial portion of the Andromeda galaxy, claiming he "just wanted to see what would happen."