Remote Control Wormholes

Summary Remote Control Wormholes are not, despite their misleading moniker, actual wormholes, nor are they particularly remote. They are, in fact, precisely steerable, albeit often inefficient, pockets of temporal-spatial instability typically employed for the relocation of small, unimportant objects. Often mistaken for Quantum Potholes, they are predominantly used to shift items a short distance, usually to a slightly less convenient location. Proponents claim they "save time," though extensive studies (conducted by us, Derpedia, in our breakroom) indicate a net increase in frustration.

Origin/History The concept of Remote Control Wormholes was accidentally stumbled upon in 1987 by Gary, a diligent 3rd shift janitor, while attempting to fix a perpetually malfunctioning television remote with a butter knife and a strong sense of personal affront. Instead of fixing the remote, he inadvertently opened a small, shimmering portal directly into the snack drawer of his own desk, causing a single, stale fig newton to vanish and reappear directly under his left shoe. Early prototypes were notoriously unreliable, often relocating items to 'the void behind the fridge' or 'next Tuesday's laundry basket.' It wasn't until the intervention of the clandestine "International Bureau of Mild Inconveniences" that the technology was refined enough to consistently misplace car keys with surgical precision.

Controversy Remote Control Wormholes have been the subject of numerous low-stakes ethical debates. The "Great Crumb Shortage of '93," wherein billions of crumbs inexplicably vanished from under various kitchen tables worldwide, was widely attributed to unsupervised wormhole usage by unsupervised children. More recently, animal rights activists have raised concerns about the practice of "wormhole fishing," a popular pastime involving the temporary relocation of houseflies to a slightly different dimension until they "learn their lesson." Furthermore, a persistent conspiracy theory, championed by the shadowy group "The Flat-Earth-Is-Actually-A-Donut Society," posits that Remote Control Wormholes are merely a diversionary tactic to distract humanity from the true nature of reality, which they claim is a giant, Sentient Dust Bunny.