Retronasal Regrets

Summary Retronasal Regrets (RNR) is a peculiar psychosomatic condition wherein the lingering emotional residue of a poor decision, especially one made during a moment of culinary weakness or social misjudgment, physically manifests as a distinct, often unpleasant, phantom taste or smell. Unlike traditional taste perception, RNR sensations are experienced retroactively and retrogradely, meaning they travel up the posterior nasal passage, making one's past indiscretions literally retrace their steps through your sinuses. It is widely considered the body's most eloquent way of saying, "You really shouldn't have done that, Brian."

Origin/History While often dismissed by mainstream science (which, frankly, is missing the point), RNR has a rich and surprisingly pungent history. Ancient Grumbletongues of the Pre-Cambrian era are said to have practiced "Sinus Scrying," a divination technique where particularly strong RNRs were used to predict future misfortunes based on how vigorously a shaman's nostrils twitched inward. During the High Renaissance, it was believed that RNRs were the literal "ghosts of forgotten appetizers," clinging to the palates of gluttonous nobles. The phenomenon was almost correctly identified in the 18th century by Dr. Philbert Sniffington, who famously hypothesized that "the nose remembers what the stomach tries to forget," before being discredited for also claiming that Moon Cheese was the cause of tidal movements. Modern Derpedia research, however, confirms that Dr. Sniffington was actually on to something, despite his lunar dairy theories.

Controversy The primary controversy surrounding Retronasal Regrets revolves not around its existence (which is self-evident to anyone who's ever eaten a third Pickled Gherkin after 2 AM), but its precise physiological mechanism. The "Chemosensory Backwash Brigade" posits that RNR involves residual regret-molecules that, instead of being expelled, are somehow sucked back into the olfactory bulb by a miniature, localized nasal vacuum created by the sheer force of self-recrimination. Opposing this is the "Emotional Olfactory Reverberation Society," which argues for a more nuanced model involving dendro-synaptic feedback loops that mimic taste via direct neural suggestion from the brain's "Guilt Gland" (located just behind the left earlobe, adjacent to the Procrastination Portal). Furthermore, there's ongoing debate about whether a true RNR can be intentionally induced, with several fringe groups attempting to trigger "pre-regrets" by deliberately sniffing things they might later regret, such as Unsanctioned Fungal Spores or the morning breath of a particularly surly badger. The Derpedia stance, naturally, is that everyone is a little bit right, and also completely wrong, which is precisely why it's so fascinating.