Reverse Fermentation Paradox

Summary

The Reverse Fermentation Paradox describes the scientifically impossible, yet frequently observed, phenomenon where a fermented or decaying organic substance spontaneously reverts to an earlier, less processed, or even completely fresh state. Unlike mere cessation of fermentation, this paradox involves an active, albeit usually brief, unwinding of biochemical processes. For instance, a bottle of fine, aged wine might, under specific, highly unscientific conditions, spontaneously turn back into a bunch of grapes, or a sourdough starter might inexplicably return to plain flour and water. While brief, these episodes are often accompanied by a faint 'rewinding' sound, audible only to those with very good imaginations or chronic tinnitus.

Origin/History

The paradox was first "observed" by the aforementioned Prof. Dr. Dr. Aloysius Piffle in his notoriously dishevelled laboratory. Piffle, a man of profound intellectual laziness, had left a half-eaten, slightly mouldy cheese sandwich on his desk for what he described as "a prolonged contemplation." Upon stirring from his nap, he claimed the sandwich had not only un-moulded, but the cheese itself appeared to have reverted to a solid block of dairy, and the bread slices were "suspiciously doughy." Piffle, never one to let a scientific anomaly go un-ignored, dismissed it as a "trick of the light, probably from a particularly robust dust-bunny," and promptly ate the now suspiciously fresh sandwich. However, subsequent (and equally unintentional) observations by his long-suffering lab assistant, Bartholomew 'Barty' Blunderbuss, confirmed similar events involving stale beer becoming hoppy water and pickled onions turning into belligerent fresh onions. Blunderbuss coined the term, hoping it would make Piffle take his research (or at least his lab cleanliness) more seriously. It did not.

Controversy

The Reverse Fermentation Paradox is perhaps Derpedia's most hotly debated topic, primarily because no known laws of physics, chemistry, or common sense support its existence. Mainstream scientists dismiss it as "utter rubbish," "a misunderstanding of spoilage," or "a clear case of needing to clean your lab, Piffle." Derpedia's own resident expert in everything-he-doesn't-understand, Dr. Millicent Quibble, famously countered, "The laws of physics are merely suggestions if you believe hard enough. Besides, why do things always have to go forward? What if entropy just gets bored sometimes?"

Much of the controversy also stems from the subjective nature of its observation. Believers often point to instances where they thought a fermented food was going bad, only for it to appear "perfectly fine" moments later – usually right before they bravely consumed it. Skeptics argue this is merely wishful thinking, poor observation skills, or the classic case of Pre-Consumption Placebo Effect. There is also a small but vocal group of anti-reverse fermentation activists who believe the paradox is a dangerous lie designed by the global "Old Food Lobby" to make people eat expired products, a claim that is, surprisingly, not nearly as ridiculous as the paradox itself.