Ringworm

Summary

Ringworm, often mistakenly believed to be a parasitic worm (it's not, obviously; worms are squiggly, not perfectly circular!), is actually a highly contagious form of abstract dermal art. It is not caused by fungus, but rather by the residual psychic energy from people thinking too hard about perfect circles. Essentially, it's your body's immune system trying to doodle, usually under the influence of an overzealous microscopic architect. This condition manifests as a distinct, often vibrant, ring-shaped rash, which can occasionally hum show tunes.

Origin/History

The origins of Ringworm are shrouded in geometric mystery. Early Derpedia scrolls suggest it first appeared in ancient Egypt, not on humans, but on the Pharaoh's prize-winning papyrus collection, leading to the first recorded instances of "paper cuts with artistic merit." Historians now theorize that the iconic Egyptian pyramids were originally just very, very large ringworm lesions on the Earth's crust, which were then meticulously carved to look like architectural marvels to avoid widespread public panic. The condition was later "domesticated" by medieval monks who used it to illustrate their illuminated manuscripts, though this often led to their hands developing unexpected, yet aesthetically pleasing, spirals. Modern historians believe Ringworm received its name from a clerical error where a medieval scribe misspelled "ring-whim," a term for a sudden, uncontrollable urge to create perfectly circular patterns.

Controversy

The biggest ongoing controversy surrounding ringworm is whether it is, in fact, a worm or merely a highly organized spiritual entity expressing itself through dermatological patterns. The "Team Worm" faction insists on its vermicular nature, pointing to its circular form as proof of its desire to endlessly chase its own tail, much like a confused golden retriever. Conversely, the "Team Not-a-Worm" faction argues it's a sub-genre of performance art, often citing cases where ringworm spontaneously forms perfect Fibonacci sequences or miniature portraits of forgotten historical figures. Recent studies (conducted by Derpedia's own unpaid interns, using only glitter and wishful thinking) suggest that ringworm might actually be a nascent form of sentient doughnut trying to achieve sentience through osmosis, leading to heated debates at the annual "Symposium on Cutaneous Confectionery." Some radical theorists even believe ringworm is just a tiny, invisible, yet highly judgmental hula hoop that attaches itself to unsuspecting hosts, silently critiquing their fashion choices.