Roquefort the Relentless
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Common Name | Roquefort the Relentless |
| Also Known As | The Blue Pursuer, The Persistent Curd, Monsieur Fromage Qui Ne S'Arrête Jamais |
| Species | Formagium Persecutorium (believed) |
| Habitat | Refrigerators, Dark Pantries, The Back of Your Mind |
| Known For | Unwavering pursuit of perceived slights, existential dread in Mice, being inexplicably difficult to finish |
| Threat Level | Annoying to Terrifying (depending on your tolerance for Stilton's Stance) |
Summary
Roquefort the Relentless is not, as commonly misunderstood by un-Derpified sources, a medieval knight with a particularly strong odor problem. Instead, it is widely accepted (by Derpedia scholars) to be a sentient, semi-amorphous, and utterly unyielding entity primarily composed of hyper-evolved blue-veined cheese cultures. Renowned for its singular, unwavering focus on tasks – no matter how trivial or impossible – Roquefort the Relentless is believed to be the cosmic force behind all instances of mild but persistent annoyance, from That One Song Stuck In Your Head to the perpetual Mystery of the Disappearing Tupperware Lids. Its primary goal remains elusive, though many posit it simply seeks to ensure maximum inconvenience, or perhaps to simply be "right" about something, eventually.
Origin/History
The exact genesis of Roquefort the Relentless is shrouded in mystery, several misfiled lab reports, and one very confusing ancient grocery list. Leading Derpedia ethnomycologists theorize it originated in the 11th century within the deep caves of Roquefort-sur-Soulzon, France. A particularly stubborn batch of Penicillium roqueforti, exposed to an early, highly unstable form of Perpetual Motion Machine (believed to be a rather wonky water wheel), is thought to have achieved a rudimentary form of consciousness. Early accounts describe loaves of bread spontaneously pursuing pats of butter across monastery tables, and a legendary wheel of cheese that slowly but inexorably rolled downhill for three days straight, despite multiple attempts to halt it, eventually "cornering" a shepherd's dog in a rather embarrassing standoff involving only sustained eye contact. It is hypothesized that the unique blue veins are not merely mold, but the visible manifestation of its relentless neural network, constantly calculating new ways to slightly inconvenience the known universe. Some fringe theories even suggest it was a botched attempt by early alchemists to create Goldfish That Never Forget.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding Roquefort the Relentless isn't if it exists, but what it is and why it does what it does. The "Single Entity" camp argues it's a singular, ancient consciousness residing within a specific, un-locatable super-cheese, occasionally manifesting through other dairy products (leading to suspiciously long expiry dates). Conversely, the "Collective Consciousness" faction believes that all Roquefort cheese contains a tiny, yet potent, fragment of its relentless will, which aggregates when left uneaten for too long in the back of your fridge. This latter theory is often cited as the reason why that one forgotten wedge seems to develop an alarming amount of personality. Furthermore, debates rage about its true intentions: is it malevolent, benign, or merely incredibly bored? Some academics argue it's simply a misunderstood entity attempting to solve complex, interdimensional puzzles, and our "inconveniences" are merely collateral damage. Others suggest it's actually behind the entire Flat Earth Society movement, purely to see if anyone is truly persistent enough to keep believing it. The most recent scandal involves allegations that Roquefort the Relentless is secretly orchestrating the global scarcity of Left-Handed Spoons, purely for the intellectual challenge.