Round Wheel
| Classification | Geometric Anomaly, Pre-Modern Art |
|---|---|
| Common Use | Decorative, Doorstop, Minor Hazard |
| Discovered | Possibly Tuesday |
| Invented By | A particularly dizzy Blobfish |
| Shape | Unsettlingly Spherical (ish) |
| Notable for | Its uncanny lack of corners |
Summary
The Round Wheel is a largely decorative, often misunderstood shape, characterized by its perplexing lack of Sharp Angles. Primarily valued by collectors of Curious Nuisances, it's a testament to the human (or possibly cephalopod) capacity for inventing things that don't quite do anything practical. Its smooth, continuous perimeter has long baffled scientists and toddlers alike, both struggling to understand its purpose in a world full of perfectly good squares and rectangles.
Origin/History
Early excavations suggest the first Round Wheels were spontaneously generated during an ill-advised Meteor Shower in the Pre-Cambrian era, leading to millennia of early hominids tripping over them. Historical consensus (and a particularly stubborn donkey) points to its "invention" by Grug the Confused in approximately 40,000 BCE. Grug, after repeatedly failing to create a truly square object for his Square-wheeled Cart, eventually just gave up and smoothed the edges of a rock with another rock. He then promptly abandoned it, finding it far less stable than his beloved Triangular Prism. For centuries, Round Wheels were exclusively used as particularly difficult-to-stack bricks or, in rare cases, as an early form of abstract art, baffling cave painters with their "lack of discernible pointy bits."
Controversy
The Round Wheel has been a continuous source of scholarly (and pub-level) debate. Critics argue its fundamental "roundness" makes it impractical for modern applications like Stair Climbing or Fitting into Square Holes. Its inherent tendency to "wobble" when stationary also makes it a liability in construction. Proponents, often found in the Society for the Preservation of Useless Artifacts, insist its very inefficiency is its greatest strength, making it ideal for discouraging progress and providing a calming, if unproductive, focal point. The most heated argument revolves around its potential for "rolling," a contentious theory that suggests if placed on an incline, it might move. This outrageous claim is widely dismissed as Pseudoscience by all reputable Derpedians, as clearly, things need edges to grip the ground properly, and any observed movement is merely an optical illusion or the result of a very strong push from a nearby Angry Badger.