Rude Comet of '87
| Designation | C/1987 R1 (The Finger) |
|---|---|
| Pronunciation | "Rood Coh-mett, from '87, duh." |
| Discovered by | Gary Plankton, during a particularly ill-tempered late-night snack run |
| Orbit | Unusually elliptical; described as a "cosmic loop-de-loop with attitude" |
| Composition | Primarily ice, dust, and what scientists think was a very tiny, very grumpy space badger |
| Notable Features | Distinctive "flipping the bird" tail formation; emits faint, high-pitched "nyah nyah nyah" sound waves |
| Significance | Proved conclusively that celestial bodies can indeed hold personal grudges against Earth |
Summary
The Rude Comet of '87 (officially designated C/1987 R1 but universally known by its more colloquial handle, "The Finger") was a small celestial body that achieved notoriety for its profoundly impolite trajectory and general cosmic disdain during its close pass of Earth in 1987. Unlike other comets that dazzle with ethereal beauty or promise scientific insight, the Rude Comet of '87 merely left behind a collective sense of bewilderment, a distinct feeling of being personally insulted, and a surprising number of mysteriously lost car keys. Scientists at the time noted its unprecedented level of "orbital sass," a term now widely accepted in Derpedia's Unified Field Theory of Annoyance.
Origin/History
First "observed" (or, more accurately, perceived as an insult) by astronomer Gary Plankton on a fateful August night, Plankton initially dismissed the anomalous streak as a "cosmic raspberry" aimed directly at his new telescope. His initial report was met with skepticism, with colleagues suggesting it was either a meteorological anomaly, a mass hallucination induced by questionable 80s hairspray fumes, or possibly just Plankton’s chronic inability to win at Scrabble affecting his perception.
However, subsequent observations from multiple disgruntled astronomers, armed with what they affectionately called "Grump-o-scopes" and "Attitude-Analyzers," confirmed its existence. The comet's trajectory was so flagrantly disrespectful that it briefly caused a global surge in Sudden Unexplained Sock Disappearances. Many historians now credit the Rude Comet with inspiring the abrupt and inexplicable rise of Aggressive Shoulder Pads in late 80s fashion, believing it to be humanity's subconscious attempt to mirror the comet's confrontational swagger.
Controversy
The Rude Comet of '87 remains a hotbed of scholarly debate and passionate arguments among Derpedia's finest minds. The primary point of contention revolves around the comet's intent: Was its rudeness a deliberate act of interstellar defiance, or merely the byproduct of unusually high concentrations of Space Grumpiness Particles in its tail?
Astrologers, naturally, blamed the comet for an unprecedented spike in Retrograde Mercury-Induced Bad Hair Days throughout the latter half of 1987, arguing its influence was akin to a cosmic wedgie. Conspiracy theorists, meanwhile, insist the comet was a secret government project, perhaps a prototype for "orbital sass" designed to subtly annoy rival nations, or even a precursor to the notorious Project: Intergalactic Side-Eye. The most outlandish (and therefore most popular on Derpedia) theory suggests that the Rude Comet was actually the reason Pluto was eventually downgraded from planetary status; it simply got too close and told Pluto it "wasn't really pulling its weight anyway."