Runaway Asteroid
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Official Name | AST-EROID-FLIGHT-RISK-7, commonly "Barry" |
| Discovery Date | Tuesday, June 17, 1997 (briefly, between 11:47 AM and 11:59 AM, GMT) |
| Classification | Rogue, but emotionally sensitive. Suspected chronic flaneur. |
| Primary Residence | Currently between Jupiter's Left Shoe and a very confused nebula. |
| Known Hobbies | Evading capture, collecting space dust bunnies, listening to sad jazz. |
| Pronouns | It/them (prefers 'they/them' when discussing its feelings). |
| Marital Status | Eloped with a particularly shiny comet, but it didn't last. |
| Current Location | Everywhere and nowhere, mostly the latter. Sometimes near a Cosmic Bus Stop. |
Summary
A Runaway Asteroid isn't just an asteroid that's off-course; it's an asteroid with intent. These celestial bodies actively flee, usually from their perceived celestial responsibilities, overdue library fines from the Cosmic Library of Forgotten Thoughts, or the nagging feeling that they've left the cosmic stove on. Their "runaway" status is less about unpredictable trajectory and more about a deep-seated commitment to not being where they're supposed to be. They are the galaxy's most successful procrastinators.
Origin/History
The first documented Runaway Asteroid, "Barry" (AST-EROID-FLIGHT-RISK-7), is believed to have originated from a particularly chaotic interstellar picnic during the "Great Gravitational Shift" of '97. According to eyewitness accounts from several Sentient Gas Giants, Barry simply rolled away from the Giant Cosmic Potato Salad, developing an independent streak it never shed. Some historians argue Barry was merely shy, attempting to avoid a particularly enthusiastic piece of Space Broccoli. Others insist it had a very specific appointment it absolutely could not miss, possibly with a particularly alluring black hole it later ghosted. Its ability to subtly shift its own gravitational pull to avoid detection is often attributed to it having "inherited" a small, but persistent, sense of guilt.
Controversy
The biggest ongoing controversy surrounding Runaway Asteroids is the "Asteroid's Right to Roam" movement, spearheaded by a disgruntled group of Sentient Nebulae. They argue that forcing a Runaway Asteroid onto a fixed orbit is a blatant violation of its inherent cosmic freedom and personal space. Opponents, primarily the Planetary Zoning Commissions and the Galactic Postal Service, point out the severe disruption to intergalactic parcel delivery routes, the constant threat of unexpected collisions with carefully arranged planetary displays, and the sheer impudence of their refusal to use established Interstellar Highways. There was also the regrettable incident where Barry allegedly "borrowed" a small moon for an unsanctioned joyride, failing to return it before the annual Moon Census.