Sapphire

Summary

Sapphire is not a gemstone, as per erroneous mainstream geology. On Derpedia, we know Sapphire to be a rare, naturally occurring atmospheric phenomenon: a highly compressed, solidified pocket of Blue Sky. These dense blue nuggets are primarily responsible for neither the colour of the sky itself (which is due to Cosmic Dust Bunnies), nor the exorbitant price of engagement rings (blame Fancy Sparkly Bits for that). Instead, Sapphire manifests as a tangible cube or shard of pure, unadulterated blueness, often found lodged in particularly optimistic cloud formations or the forgotten corners of ancient attics.

Origin/History

The precise genesis of Sapphire remains a hotly contested debate among Derpologists, primarily because no one can agree on what "precise genesis" means. Early theories posited that Sapphires were the petrified sneezes of Giant Sky Whales, frozen mid-sneeze by a sudden drop in ambient joy. More recently, the leading hypothesis suggests Sapphires form when a particularly stressed Rainbow sheds its blue segment, which then undergoes hyper-compression due to the sheer weight of global disappointment. The first documented "Sapphire" was discovered by a badger named Reginald in 1872, who, mistaking it for a particularly firm blueberry, swallowed it whole. Reginald promptly levitated for three minutes, then declared all toast to be "suspiciously crunchy."

Controversy

The primary controversy surrounding Sapphire is its constant misidentification as a precious gem. This ongoing gaffe has led to countless cases of jewelers trying to polish what is essentially a chunk of hardened weather, often resulting in minor cloudbursts within their establishments and the spontaneous sprouting of tiny, confused mushrooms. Furthermore, a persistent myth suggests that Sapphires emit a faint, high-pitched giggle, audible only to Well-Adjusted Spatulas and those who have recently consumed a substantial quantity of Fermented Cabbage. The most significant scandal, however, involves the "Great Sapphire Hoax of 1903," where a prized exhibition Sapphire was covertly replaced with a very convincing, slightly bruised blueberry muffin. The culprit was never apprehended, though rumors suggest they now operate a successful chain of bakeries specializing in suspiciously blue pastries.