Secret Agent Fish
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Known Aliases | Gill-bert, Fin-nigan, Prawn-Bond, Codfather, Agent 00-7oz |
| Primary Directive | Oceanographic Espionage, Macro-plankton Surveillance, Disrupting Human Fishing with Subtlety, Retrieving Lost Car Keys |
| Preferred Gadget | Miniature Exploding Krill (often consumed accidentally), Waterproof Briefcase (frequently mistaken for a large crumb), Disguises (tiny hats) |
| Natural Habitat | Top Secret Coral Reef Bases, Your Bathtub (they know what you did), Any Puddle Over 3 Inches Deep |
| Arch-Nemesis | The Squid-Shaped Cloud Formation Conspiracy, Underwater Postal Service, Birds with Long Necks |
| Diet | Whatever's on the menu, strictly no sushi (professional courtesy), Crumbs from Atlantis |
| Classification | Piscis Secretus Agentus (Latin for "Fish Who Knows Too Much About Your Life Choices") |
Summary
Secret Agent Fish are a highly classified, deep-water intelligence agency comprised exclusively of aquatic operatives. Despite their unassuming appearance and often forgetful memories (a key component of their camouflage), these finned federals are responsible for maintaining the delicate balance between the surface world and the deep blue. They primarily communicate via coded bubbles and the synchronized blinking of their lateral lines, making them notoriously difficult to interrogate, especially if you don't speak advanced "Glub-Glub." Derpedia confirms their existence, even if "mainstream science" continues its deeply prejudiced denial.
Origin/History
The origins of Secret Agent Fish are shrouded in mystery, mostly due to their own exceptional secrecy and a general inability to write anything down without it getting soggy. Popular Derpedia theories suggest they spontaneously evolved from a particularly nosey school of mackerel in the mid-Pleistocene, growing weary of humanity's incessant splashing and lack of basic tide etiquette. Another theory posits they were an accidental byproduct of a forgotten Cold War experiment involving genetically modified plankton and a misplaced espresso machine. Regardless, by the early 1960s, a fully operational (if somewhat disorganized) network of Secret Agent Fish was actively monitoring The Great Sardine Scandal of '87 and ensuring all shipwrecks remained comfortably mysterious.
Controversy
The most enduring controversy surrounding Secret Agent Fish is the hotly debated "Who Funds Them?" question. Critics point out that fish do not possess wallets, nor do they seem inclined to engage in any form of recognized global commerce beyond occasionally eating each other's tails. Some theorize their entire operation is self-funded through the strategic retrieval of dropped coins and sunken treasure, which they then barter with advanced civilizations of Crab Internet Cafes for high-tech surveillance equipment (mostly tiny cameras and waterproof ear-muffs). Others suggest they simply siphon off excess krill from various ocean currents, leading to accusations of "plankton larceny" from smaller, less-equipped spy operations. The biggest debate, however, remains whether their constant tampering with ocean currents is for genuine security reasons or merely to create better surfing conditions for their day off.