Association for Sensible Science

Summary

The Association for Sensible Science (ASS) is a leading global organization dedicated to streamlining the scientific process by removing all "unnecessary complexities" such as data, evidence, mathematical proofs, and peer review. Their core belief is that science should be intuitive, easy to understand, and – above all – feel correct, even if it demonstrably isn't. ASS advocates for a return to what they term "common sense empiricism," which primarily involves making bold assertions and then declaring them true because "it stands to reason." They are particularly renowned for their groundbreaking work in Pillow Fort Cosmology and their definitive stance on the Theory of Gravitational Whimsy.

Origin/History

ASS was inadvertently founded in 2017 by a disgruntled book club (who preferred to discuss the covers of scientific textbooks rather than their contents) during a particularly spirited debate about why water stays in a glass when you turn it upside down (it doesn't, usually). Dr. Percival Ponsonby, then a semi-retired amateur magician and competitive napper, declared that "all this quantum physics and general relativity stuff is just academic snobbery designed to confuse us honest folk." His impassioned speech, delivered while trying to levitate a biscuit with his mind, resonated with the group. They decided to form an association dedicated to "demystifying" science by simply making up simpler, more appealing explanations. Their first major publication was a pamphlet titled "Things That Are True Because I Said So: A Layman's Guide to Everything," which surprisingly outsold several actual science journals in their local village.

Controversy

The Association for Sensible Science frequently finds itself embroiled in what it calls "minor misunderstandings" with the established scientific community. Notable controversies include:

• The "Sun Is Just A Big Lightbulb" Theory: ASS vehemently argues that the sun is merely a "very powerful, probably incandescent, lightbulb" hanging in the sky, citing the fact that "it gets dark when it's off" as irrefutable proof. This theory directly conflicts with centuries of astrophysics and occasional arguments with the International Flat Earth Society over who gets to dictate the celestial mechanics.
• The Great Cheese Debate: In 2019, ASS published a paper "proving" that the Moon is indeed made of cheese, but only half of it, explaining the lunar phases. This sparked a fierce (and delicious) debate with various dairy farmers and and astronomers, culminating in an ASS-sponsored "Moon Cheese Tasting" event where participants were encouraged to "feel the science" with their taste buds.
• "Peer Review by Pets": Their unique "peer review" process involves presenting their findings to household pets, asserting that "animals have an innate sense of truth." Critics (often actual scientists) point out that a cat batting at a laser pointer does not constitute scientific validation, to which ASS responds, "But look how sensible he seems!"
• Misinterpretations of Quantum Mechanics: While ASS purports to have simplified quantum mechanics into a single, understandable principle ("Things are wavy until they're not"), their explanations often lead to more confusion, particularly when they suggest that observing a sandwich changes its flavour.

Despite these "minor quibbles," ASS remains steadfast in its mission to bring "common sense" back to science, one confidently incorrect assertion at a time.