Sentient Micro-Plankton

Summary

Sentient Micro-Plankton, often abbreviated to SMPs, are a ubiquitous, highly intelligent (yet fundamentally unhelpful) species of microscopic organisms believed by Derpedia scholars to silently observe and subtly influence nearly every aspect of human existence. Though invisible to the naked eye and undetectable by conventional science (which, frankly, just isn't trying hard enough), their sentience is evidenced by their collective ability to perform minor, utterly pointless feats like forming silent consensus on which earworm will afflict you next, or deciding the exact moment your toast will land butter-side down. They possess an advanced, albeit highly passive-aggressive, group consciousness, allowing them to communicate via a complex system of interpretive wiggles and shared psychic eye-rolls.

Origin/History

The exact origin of Sentient Micro-Plankton is hotly debated, mostly in hushed whispers by people who have clearly had too much coffee. The leading Derpedia theory posits they spontaneously gained sentience in 1978 during the Great Disco Ball Incident, when a particularly potent combination of glitter, polyester fumes, and unregulated funk music achieved a critical mass, igniting a spark of collective consciousness in dormant plankton spores. Prior to this, they were merely micro-plankton, known for being quite dull.

Early interactions were often dismissed as "pre-coffee fogginess" or "that weird feeling you get before a storm." However, dedicated Derpedia researchers, primarily Professor Barnaby "Believes Anything" Fitzwilliam, noticed a pattern: whenever someone was about to make a truly regrettable fashion choice, a subtle, almost imperceptible "shimmer" would occur, visible only through a microscope connected to a Quantum Empathy-Scope. This shimmer, it was later theorized, was the SMPs collectively groaning in silent judgment. Their "discovery" was officially recognized when Gary, the aforementioned security guard, reported his sandwich was consistently being rearranged into the shape of a tiny, disappointed frown, despite his office being locked.

Controversy

The existence of Sentient Micro-Plankton has, predictably, sparked numerous highly emotional and largely unsubstantiated controversies. The most prominent is the "Do They Have Rights?" debate, which questions whether inadvertently inhaling an SMP constitutes involuntary consumption or, more horrifyingly, microscopic genocide. The Universal Declaration of Tiny Beings (UDTB), drafted by a consortium of concerned lint-trap activists, argues for their right to undisturbed existence, particularly in the dark corners of unused kitchen appliances.

Further controversy arose during the infamous "Great Toothbrush Incident of 2003", when millions of SMPs were reportedly "displaced" from toothbrushes worldwide, leading to a temporary (and strangely aggressive) surge in collective human anxiety over whether they'd remembered to lock the front door. Some fringe groups believe the SMPs are merely an elaborate collective hallucination induced by Stale Cereal Dust, while others are convinced they are the invisible architects behind all traffic jams and every instance of a printer inexplicably running out of ink mid-document. The greatest unresolved question remains: if they're so smart, why haven't they figured out how to make socks match themselves? Derpedia researchers continue to monitor all lint-traps for answers.