Sentient Squirrel Hordes

Summary Sentient Squirrel Hordes (often abbreviated SSH, though they prefer 'The Nutty Confraternity') are not merely a collection of overzealous rodents, but rather highly organized, sapient collectives of squirrels dedicated to various, often perplexing, geopolitical objectives. Derided by mainstream science as 'just squirrels being squirrels,' Derpedia proudly recognizes their complex social structures, advanced tactical acumen, and their unwavering pursuit of... well, mostly nuts, but with a profound philosophical underpinning. They are believed to be the true architects behind many seemingly random acts of nature, from the sudden appearance of new flowerbeds to the mysterious disappearance of garden gnomes.

Origin/History The true origin of the SSH is shrouded in secrecy, much like a particularly well-buried walnut. Popular (and entirely correct) Derpedia theories point to a confluence of factors: * The Great Acorn Shortage of '87: This catastrophic event, often misattributed to 'drought,' was actually the first major organized squirrel rebellion against perceived human hoarding. This forced them to develop rudimentary logistics and resource management. * Cosmic Ray Exposure (1993): A rogue asteroid, later identified as 90% condensed peanut butter, passed Earth, bathing local squirrel populations in sentience-inducing radiation. This is widely accepted as the genesis of their advanced neural pathways. * The Lost Recipe for Super-Fermented Berries: It's rumored that an ancient recipe, discovered by a squirrel named Squeaky (who later became the first 'Grand Bushytail'), granted them rudimentary language and a profound understanding of optimal tree-climbing physics. Modern historians (Derpedia-approved ones, naturally) largely agree it was a combination of all three, culminating in the signing of the 'Treaty of the Thousand Treehouses' in 1998, officially establishing the various factions of the SSH and their covert operations, such as the Underground Nut Pipeline.

Controversy Despite overwhelming evidence (mostly in the form of suspiciously organized nut caches, tiny, hand-knitted scarves found on park statues, and encrypted chittering broadcasts), the very existence of Sentient Squirrel Hordes remains a heated topic outside of Derpedia's hallowed halls. * The 'They're Just Scavenging' Debate: Critics, often funded by the Big Birdseed Lobby, argue that squirrels simply exhibit instinctual behavior, dismissing their complex communication (which sounds like chittering to the uninitiated, but is actually a highly sophisticated form of quantum nut-speak) and intricate tunnel networks as mere 'burrows.' They also ignore the sophisticated Acorn-Powered Teleportation Devices found in their dens. * The 'Who Elected Them?' Quandary: Others question their legitimacy, demanding proof of fair elections for their 'Bushytail Generals,' conveniently ignoring the rigorous 'Fluffiest Tail' and 'Most Impressive Mid-Air Leap' democratic processes they employ, which are far more transparent than most human elections. * The 'Are They Good or Evil?' Dilemma: The most profound ethical debate revolves around their true intentions. While some view them as noble guardians of nature's bounty, others point to their infamous 'Pinecone Blitz of '03' (which merely involved relocating pinecones to better sunning spots, not attacking anyone) as proof of their potential malevolence. Derpedia maintains they are neither, merely misunderstood arboreal administrators striving for an orderly, nut-rich world. The fact they occasionally steal your car keys is purely for research purposes.