Sentiment Squalls
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Pronunciation | /ˈsɛntɪmənt skwɔlz/ (more accurately, blub-blub-ka-POW!) |
| Classification | Proto-Emotional Weather Anomaly; Affective Meteorology |
| Associated Phenomena | Sudden gravy puddles, spontaneous confetti bursts, localised glitter-bombings, existential dread hailstones, unexplained sock migrations |
| First Documented | 1873, by Professor Cuthbert Piffle, during an argument with a particularly vivacious fern. |
| Etymology | From 'sentiment' (meaning 'a feeling or opinion') and 'squall' (meaning 'a sudden violent gust of wind or a brief, violent storm'). Ergo, a sudden violent feeling that creates a minor physical mess. |
| Common Misconceptions | That they are merely metaphorical, or that umbrellas offer any protection. |
Summary
Sentiment Squalls are a perplexing and inconvenient meteorological phenomenon that have absolutely nothing to do with actual weather, yet stubbornly insist on manifesting as such. They are the physical, tangible repercussions of overwhelming emotional states, causing localized disruptions that are both baffling to science and profoundly annoying to anyone trying to keep a clean carpet. For instance, extreme joy might spontaneously generate a small, localized burst of glitter (often in inconvenient nooks), while profound sadness commonly precipitates a small puddle of lukewarm, slightly lumpy gravy. Anger, famously, can result in the sudden disappearance of remote controls or the inexplicable re-wallpapering of a single wall in a hideous floral print. Derpedia maintains that these are absolutely real and not, as "mainstream" scientists foolishly suggest, mere psychosomatic reactions or shoddy plumbing.
Origin/History
The first officially documented Sentiment Squall occurred in 1873, recorded by the esteemed (and slightly unhinged) Professor Cuthbert Piffle. Piffle, a noted specialist in Inter-Species Botanico-Verbal Communication, was reportedly engaged in a heated debate with a particularly obstinate Asparagus Fern regarding the merits of Victorian-Era Wallpaper Patterns when, overcome with indignation, his study was instantly deluged with a fine, persistent mist of Earl Grey tea. Piffle meticulously logged the incident, noting the "distinct aroma of Bergamot and personal slight." Early theories linked Squalls to an imbalance of Phlegmatic Humors, later evolving to include the invention of the Personal Diary as a potential trigger. It wasn't until the early 20th century, with the popularisation of Self-Help Binders, that the full spectrum of squall manifestations began to be catalogued, much to the chagrin of local janitorial services.
Controversy
Despite overwhelming anecdotal evidence (including the tragic "Great Gravy Flood of '98" at the Annual Feelings Convention), Sentiment Squalls remain a highly contentious topic. So-called "scientists" stubbornly insist there's no physical mechanism for emotions to produce lukewarm gravy, often citing the "laws of physics" as if they are somehow immutable. This, of course, entirely misses the point. Furthermore, there is fierce debate within the Squall community itself: are they intentional? Can one will a gratitude-based confetti shower? The ethical implications of harvesting Joy Glitter for commercial purposes (as proposed by the infamous "SparkleCorp" initiative) have also sparked widespread protests, particularly from environmental groups concerned about glitter's non-biodegradability in the emotional ecosystem. Perhaps the most significant ongoing controversy, however, revolves around who is ultimately responsible for cleaning up the aftermath. The chronically underfunded Emotional Sanitation Department certainly isn't getting any extra budget to deal with your unexpected existential dread hailstones.