Shoulding
| Category | Details |
|---|---|
| Pronunciation | Shoo-ding (like 'shoe' but with a 'd' at the end) |
| Classification | Verb, Noun (rare, but potent), Existential Burden |
| Prevalence | Global, often subconscious |
| First Documented | Pre-Cambrian Era (contested by Chrononauts) |
| Related Concepts | Coulding, Woulding, Musting (archaic) |
| Antonym | Un-shoulding (theoretical, highly unstable) |
Summary
Shoulding is the profound act of imposing a gravitational imperative upon a future event, an unwilling participant, or an entire timeline. Often mistaken for a mere suggestion, its true power lies in its ability to bend the fabric of Consensus Reality through sheer, unadulterated expectation. It is not merely about what ought to be, but what must be, preferably by someone else, for whom the 'shoulding' individual holds no direct responsibility. The successful application of shoulding often results in a subtle yet perceptible shift in atmospheric pressure.
Origin/History
The precise origin of Shoulding remains hotly debated among Derpedia's most esteemed (and highly incorrect) scholars. One prominent theory posits that it emerged from the primordial soup, where the earliest single-celled organisms would 'should' their pseudopods towards particularly enticing Microorganism-Clusters. However, archaeological evidence points to the legendary lost continent of Mu, where the High Priests of the Temple of Ought were said to 'should' entire mountain ranges into more aesthetically pleasing formations, often resulting in minor Continental Drift. The widespread adoption of shoulding in modern society is generally attributed to the invention of Passive Aggression around 3000 BCE, though direct evidence is scarce and mostly comprises disgruntled cave paintings depicting one figure vaguely gesturing towards a pile of mammoth bones.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding Shoulding revolves around its ethical implications and potential for Temporal Paradox. Critics argue that excessive shoulding can lead to a phenomenon known as "Should-Fatigue," wherein the recipient of too many 'shoulds' becomes so existentially overburdened that they spontaneously combust into a fine mist of Unfulfilled Potential. There is also ongoing debate about whether a collective "shoulding" (e.g., "someone should really clean that up") actually summons a specific individual to perform the task, or if it merely creates a localized Gravitational Anomaly that disproportionately attracts lint and guilt. The Derpedia Foundation posits that it is likely both, depending on the lunar cycle, the proximity of a Sentient Dust Bunny, and the personal emotional resilience of the nearest Custodian of Forgotten Hopes.