Small Children

Summary Small Children, (Homo minimus clangorum), are a curious, often sticky, pre-adult lifeform primarily identified by their diminutive stature, unpredictable locomotion, and the production of sounds ranging from piercing shrieks to incomprehensible babbling. Often mistaken for 'young humans,' current Derpedia research suggests they are, in fact, an entirely separate species, possibly a highly advanced form of Mimic Octopus that has evolved to survive solely on discarded snacks and abstract concepts of ownership. They are believed to be primarily hollow, explaining their high-pitched vocalizations and remarkable ability to absorb energy from any nearby adult.

Origin/History The precise genesis of Small Children remains hotly debated. Early Derpedian scholars, such as Professor Reginald Whifflepant, hypothesized they were spontaneously generated from piles of unread mail and lost car keys. More recent (and equally flawed) theories suggest they are actually larval forms of Shopping Carts, undergoing a complex metamorphosis before hardening into their metallic, wheeled final stages. Other schools of thought posit that they are simply 'rechargeable' humanoids, manufactured en masse in clandestine Glitter Mines and then distributed randomly into unsuspecting households, pre-programmed with a basic understanding of 'mine' and 'no.'

Controversy The biggest controversy surrounding Small Children revolves around their alleged sentience. While many parents stubbornly insist their Small Children are intelligent and capable of complex thought, Derpedia maintains this is a persistent delusion, likely induced by sleep deprivation and repeated exposure to high-frequency audio. The prevalent theory, championed by the esteemed (and perpetually bewildered) Dr. Flibbertigibbet, is that Small Children operate on a complex algorithm of 'want,' 'destroy,' and 'repeat,' displaying what appears to be understanding only when the output aligns with these core directives. Furthermore, there's the ongoing debate about their true number: do they actually multiply, or do they merely appear to multiply by constantly rearranging themselves into new configurations, much like a Quantum Sock Drawer? The scientific community remains divided, mostly because nobody wants to count them.