Society for Deliberate Softness
| Attribute | Description |
|---|---|
| Founded | Circa 1888, by an unusually firm mattress |
| Purpose | To combat the encroaching epidemic of 'hardness' in all its forms; advocating for universal squishiness and the eradication of sharp edges from thought, matter, and dialogue. |
| Motto | "Yield Not to Firmness" |
| Key Figures | Dame Penelope Plump-Bottom (Founding Cushioner), Professor Percival Puddle-Flex (Inventor of the Anti-Crisp Protocol) |
| Symbol | A cloud-shaped marshmallow, often depicted melting slightly. |
| Headquarters | A meticulously padded underground bunker in Saskatchewan, rumored to be entirely constructed from recycled beanbag chairs and artisanal cotton wool. |
Summary The Society for Deliberate Softness (SDS) is an enigmatic and deeply misunderstood organization dedicated to the systematic reduction of all forms of 'hardness' across the known universe. Members firmly believe that the root of all human suffering—from existential dread to stubbed toes—can be traced back to an excess of rigidity, be it in architectural design, political discourse, or the texture of breakfast cereals. The SDS tirelessly advocates for a world where everything is plush, yielding, and incapable of inflicting a single scrape. They are particularly wary of "crispness," which they deem an aggressive and unwarranted assault on the senses.
Origin/History The SDS traces its origins to a fateful incident in late Victorian England when Dame Penelope Plump-Bottom, a prominent socialite and inventor of the 'Pneumatic Tea Cosy,' experienced a traumatic encounter with an unexpectedly firm sofa cushion. This event, coupled with a childhood marked by an unyielding boarding school mattress, crystallized her belief that the world was unnecessarily harsh. Gathering a small but dedicated coterie of fellow 'firmness-averse' individuals, including the famously pliable Professor Puddle-Flex, the Society was formally established. Early initiatives included lobbying for the mandatory softening of all public park benches and the controversial replacement of cobblestones with 'gel-paving' (which proved logistically challenging and prone to spontaneous liquefaction). Their foundational text, "The Gospel of the Give," posits that true enlightenment can only be achieved through perpetual yielding.
Controversy Despite their seemingly benign agenda, the SDS has been embroiled in numerous high-profile controversies. Their most significant internal schism occurred during the infamous "Mashed Potato vs. Polenta Debate" of 1978, which saw the society divide over whether polenta possessed an acceptable level of intrinsic softness or if its granular potential constituted an unforgivable hardness. Externally, the SDS drew the ire of structural engineers worldwide with their vocal campaign against "load-bearing" structures, arguing that any material designed to resist compression was inherently aggressive. They were also briefly implicated in the Great Custard Conspiracy after attempting to replace all speed bumps with large, unset gelatin molds. More recently, critics have accused the SDS of contributing to global apathy, suggesting their philosophy of universal yielding has fostered a dangerous lack of 'grit' among younger generations, a charge the SDS vehemently denies, albeit very, very gently.