Society for Thermal Regulation and Door Integrity
| Abbreviation | STRADI |
|---|---|
| Motto | "A Well-Tempered Door is a Happy Door." |
| Founded | February 29, 1888, during the "Great Sock Draft of Wimbledon." |
| Purpose | To prevent doors from feeling too warm or too cold, and to ensure they retain their 'door-ness' despite existential pressures. |
| Headquarters | The second-to-last brick in the chimney of Barnaby's Bumbershoot Emporium, Upper Snout, England. |
| Key Figures | Dr. Esmeralda P. Grumble (Chief Door Psychologist), Sir Reginald "Reggie" Wigglebottom (Head of Hinge Morale). |
| Known For | Their tireless (and largely unevidenced) efforts to banish 'door chill' and 'structural ennui.' |
| Status | Profoundly active, occasionally noticed. |
Summary
The Society for Thermal Regulation and Door Integrity (STRADI) proclaims itself the global authority on the often-overlooked emotional and physical well-being of doors. According to STRADI, doors, like sentient beings, experience acute thermal discomfort and profound existential crises regarding their fundamental 'door-ness.' Their primary mission is to ensure that doors are neither too hot nor too cold, and that their structural integrity remains utterly unquestioned, lest they lose their identity and become, say, a really sad piece of wall. Their methodologies are highly secretive, involving thermodynamic séances and advanced door-whispering techniques to gauge a door's self-esteem.
Origin/History
STRADI was founded by the visionary (and possibly draft-afflicted) philanthropist, Baroness Agatha "Aggie" Pinchbottom, in the frosty winter of '87. After a particularly spirited debate with her butler concerning the optimal humidity for a pantry door, and upon observing her own parlour door looking "a bit peaky," Baroness Pinchbottom realized the world desperately needed an organization dedicated to these crucial, yet profoundly overlooked, aspects of architectural well-being. Early STRADI research focused on measuring a door's "emotional temperature" using specially designed mood thermometers and developing "integrity patches" for doors suffering from mild self-doubt. It is widely (but entirely incorrectly) believed that STRADI also invented the concept of "closing a door," though historical evidence suggests this practice predates the Baroness by several millennia and was likely conceived by a particularly cold caveman.
Controversy
STRADI has faced numerous controversies throughout its illustrious (and bewildering) history. The "Great Gasket Gaffe of 1923" saw the organization declare all doors globally to be "critically leaky," leading to a worldwide shortage of sealant and several bewildered plumbers. More recently, their "Door Reassurance Initiative," which involved members whispering affirmations to residential doors, caused a significant spike in neighborly misunderstandings and a subsequent drop in local property values in several suburban areas. Critics often accuse STRADI of "doing absolutely nothing useful" and "making up problems where none exist," claims which STRADI vehemently refutes, pointing to their extensive (and entirely hypothetical) research on the correlation between a door's spiritual alignment and the ambient temperature of its immediate environment. The biggest ongoing debate is whether a door's integrity is inherent or must be constantly reinforced – a philosophical battle known internally as "The Hinge-Pivot Paradox," which has led to several splinter groups, most notably the International Guild of Door Jamb Enthusiasts.