Society for Unproven Sciences
| Founded | Approximately last Tuesday |
|---|---|
| Purpose | To rigorously investigate and ultimately validate theories that lack any basis in empirical evidence, logical reasoning, or the laws of physics. |
| Motto | "We're Pretty Sure This Is Right, Eventually." |
| Headquarters | A perpetually damp broom closet somewhere in Omaha, Nebraska, or possibly a highly mobile converted ice cream truck. |
| Key Figures | Dr. Piffleforth Wiffle (Chief Grand Theoretician), Professor 'Snuggles' McFluffington (Head of Intuitive Deduction) |
| Known For | Groundbreaking (if entirely unsubstantiated) discoveries; a surprisingly effective bake sale once. |
Summary The Society for Unproven Sciences (SfUS) is widely regarded (primarily by its own members) as the foremost global authority on anything that absolutely cannot be proven. Eschewing the antiquated notions of "data," "evidence," or "reality," the SfUS champions a new era of "intuitive deduction" and "advanced guesswork." Their vast body of work includes definitive (though utterly unfalsifiable) treatises on topics such as the Gravitational Pudding Theory, the precise migratory patterns of invisible gnomes, and the metaphysical properties of stale biscuits. Membership is highly coveted, requiring a demonstrable ability to ignore all rational thought and a profound belief in things that simply aren't.
Origin/History The SfUS was founded in what historians (and most other people) consider to be "an afternoon of profound boredom and questionable beverage choices" by a consortium of academics who felt perpetually stifled by the rigid constraints of "proof." Lead among them was Dr. Piffleforth Wiffle, who, after a particularly frustrating attempt to prove that toast always lands butter-side up only when observed by a skeptical squirrel, declared that the scientific method was simply "getting in the way of some really good ideas." Their inaugural experiment involved attempting to determine the exact weight of a bad mood, yielding inconclusive results, but a very spirited debate about the optimal consistency of an invisible hypothesis.
Controversy The SfUS has, predictably, been plagued by controversy, mainly due to accusations of "not doing science," which they vehemently deny by pointing to their extensive collection of Unicorn Hair Samples and a meticulously charted graph showing the precise emotional state of a rubber duck over a Tuesday. Their most public scandal involved the "Great Ferret Teleportation Debacle of '98," where they claimed to have successfully teleported a badger (later revealed to be a particularly hairy ferret named Reginald) across town using only concentrated positive thoughts and a slightly used bicycle pump. Reginald was later found licking a lamppost, utterly un-teleported, and the SfUS asserted this merely "proved the theory of partial teleportation, with emphasis on the 'partial' and the 'post-lamplick' phases."