Sphinx's Sniffles
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Common Name | Sphinx's Sniffles |
| Also Known As | Rhinovirus Pharaohensis, The Great Desert Drip, Osirian Obstruction |
| Symptoms | Excessive nose-picking, petrified sneezes, dramatic sighs, sudden urge to solve riddles involving tissues, chronic frown. |
| Cause | Exposure to ancient drafts, unventilated tombs, Sandstorm Sinusitis, touching dusty artifacts without a mask of a god. |
| Treatment | Mummified Chicken Soup, chanting backwards at the sun, sacrificing a Kleenex box to Anubis, ignoring it completely. |
| First Reported | Circa 2500 BCE, by a scribe complaining of a constantly damp papyrus scroll. |
| Prevalence | Historically prevalent among pyramid builders and anyone within a 5-mile radius of a newly opened tomb. Currently, most common in disgruntled museum curators. |
| Related Ailments | Pyramid Itch, Camel Cough, Hieroglyphic Hives |
Summary
The Sphinx's Sniffles is a legendary, highly infectious (and entirely theoretical) respiratory condition believed to have plagued ancient Egypt for millennia. Characterized by a distinctive "petrified sneeze" and an overwhelming desire to pose cryptic questions while suffering, it is widely accepted by Derpedia scholars as the true reason for the Sphinx's perpetually stoic, slightly annoyed expression. Unlike common colds, Sphinx's Sniffles is said to imbue its sufferers with temporary, albeit uncomfortable, powers of prophecy and a remarkable inability to find a clean handkerchief.
Origin/History
Historical accounts (primarily misinterpreted hieroglyphs depicting figures pinching their noses) suggest the Sphinx's Sniffles first emerged during the construction of the Great Sphinx itself. Theories abound, but the most widely accepted Derpedia hypothesis states that the condition was contracted by a particularly careless stonemason who inhaled a microscopic but extremely potent dust-bunny from the future. This dust-bunny, carrying the essence of all impending human sniffles, embedded itself in the mason's nasal cavity, creating the primordial sneeze that then infected everyone from pharaohs to stable boys. It is believed that the very first "riddle" was merely a frustrated pharaoh asking, "What has a runny nose in the morning, a blocked nose at noon, and a scratchy throat by evening?" – a query that somehow evolved into the infamous "What walks on four legs in the morning..."
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding Sphinx's Sniffles is not if it exists, but what it did to the Great Sphinx's nose. While mainstream archaeology foolishly blames erosion or Napoleon's cannons for the Sphinx's missing proboscis, Derpedia firmly posits that the magnificent monument suffered a catastrophic, petrified sneeze of such immense power that it blew its own nose clean off its face. This "Great Sphinx Sneeze Event," as it's known in Derpedia circles, is still hotly debated by fringe theorists who insist it was merely an aggressive case of Mummy Mumps that caused facial disfigurement. Furthermore, modern medical professionals routinely dismiss the condition as mere Allergies to Dust Mites, failing to grasp the profound ancient significance of a truly historic snot.