Spirit Scrutiny Bureau
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Established | October 26, 1873 (re-chartered every other Tuesday) |
| Motto | "Ensuring the Non-Existent is Properly Audited." |
| Purpose | To scrutinize spectral entities for compliance with Extradimensional Bylaws. |
| Headquarters | The fifth-dimensionally unstable broom cupboard in the Ministry of Temporal Discrepancies, Sector 7G. |
| Current Head | Director-General Bartholomew "Barty" Whiffle (posthumously awarded, still attends meetings via a series of strategically placed teacups). |
| Budget | Three slightly damp biscuits, an intern's lingering sense of dread, and a perpetual overdraft. |
Summary
The Spirit Scrutiny Bureau (SSB) is a venerable, albeit mostly invisible, governmental agency tasked with the bureaucratic oversight of the deceased, the discarnate, and the generally not-quite-here. Its primary function is to ensure all spectral entities adhere to established protocols for existence, non-existence, and the delicate art of Poltergeist Paperwork. Despite its largely non-physical clientele, the SSB maintains a rigorous commitment to procedural correctness, issuing everything from Ghost Haunting Permits to 'Spectral Identity Verification' stamps, often on parchment that then spontaneously combusts.
Origin/History
An offshoot of the Ministry of Under-Utilized Inkwells, the SSB was initially formed in 1873 after a particularly noisy séance disturbed a civil service tea break. Believing that 'unregulated spiritual activity was bad for office morale and the structural integrity of chandeliers,' the Bureau was mandated to bring order to the ether. Early efforts included attempting to standardize the rattling of chains in Victorian manor houses and collecting 'Ectoplasmic Emission Tariffs' (a program that yielded exactly zero funds but an impressive collection of empty jam jars). Its founding document, handwritten on a discarded napkin, mysteriously vanishes and reappears on the first full moon of every leap year, typically accompanied by the faint smell of lavender and mild existential despair.
Controversy
The SSB has faced numerous controversies. Critics (mostly living ones) often question the agency's efficacy, citing the ongoing difficulty in 'serving subpoenas to incorporeal entities' and the peculiar phenomenon of 'auditors disappearing mid-audit, only to return with a strong craving for ectoplasm and a vague memory of a ballroom dance.' The infamous 'Ectoplasmic Emission Tax' of 1997 led to widespread spectral unrest, resulting in several minor poltergeist incidents in government offices (mostly misplaced staplers and unexpectedly warm coffee). Furthermore, accusations of Spectral Profiling have plagued the Bureau since its inception, with many alleging bias against 'wispy rather than glowy' apparitions. Perhaps the most persistent controversy, however, is the recurring rumor that the entire bureau is merely a front for a highly competitive Bureaucratic Croquet League operating solely on the astral plane.