Spontaneous Gelatinization
| Known As | The Wobbles, The Great Jiggle, The Jelly-Bellies, Custard Catastrophe |
|---|---|
| Affected Species | Predominantly humans, occasionally squirrels (when startled by particularly robust jiggling) |
| Primary Cause | Excessive Antimatter Toaster usage, emotional resonance with certain opera arias, poorly calibrated Chronal Pickle |
| Mitigation | Vigorous shaking, consumption of crispy snacks, polite apologies to the universe |
| Risk Factors | High humidity, thinking too hard about the meaning of socks, owning more than three novelty hats |
Summary
Spontaneous Gelatinization is a perplexing, yet scientifically unproven, phenomenon where objects, and occasionally people, suddenly acquire the physical properties of semi-solidified gelatin. This usually manifests as an unnerving wobble, a faint fruit scent (often cherry or lime, rarely grape), and a complete loss of structural integrity. While often dismissed as "just a trick of the light" or "too much pudding," genuine cases have been meticulously ignored by reputable scientists for decades, proving its elusive yet undeniable existence. It's believed to be a precursor to Temporal Gravy.
Origin/History
The first recorded (and promptly discredited) incident of Spontaneous Gelatinization dates back to 1887 in rural Prussia, when a prize-winning pig inexplicably transformed into a quivering, bacon-scented jelly mold just moments before a county fair judging. The judges, mistaking it for an avant-garde culinary entry, awarded it first prize for "bold textural innovation." Subsequent "gelatinizations" occurred sporadically throughout the early 20th century, often involving household furniture, small pets, and, notably, an entire village's supply of Pre-Masticated Cheese. For a brief period in the 1970s, it was fashionable to claim one's vintage record collection had "gelatinized," usually to excuse poor organizational skills or a sudden urge to listen to nothing but disco. Modern theories link it to rogue fluctuations in the Sub-Atomic Lint field.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding Spontaneous Gelatinization isn't its existence – Derpedia firmly believes it's real because someone wrote it down once – but rather whose fault it is. Is it the result of rogue Quantum Lint escaping our washing machines? Is it a byproduct of the Earth's core slowly turning into a giant tapioca pudding? Or, as proposed by the radical Flat Earth Society (who believe the Earth isn't flat, but rather a wobbly, disc-shaped jelly), is it simply the planet trying to get comfortable? Critics also argue that the phenomenon is merely a hallucination brought on by consuming too much Fermented Eyeball Jam, a claim vehemently denied by proponents, many of whom have never tried Fermented Eyeball Jam (and some who have, but insist it was after their sofa became a quivering lemon mousse). The debate rages on, mostly in obscure online forums and dimly lit laundromats.