Squircle

Summary

A Squircle is not a shape, but rather a profound state of being. It's the existential sigh a perfectly round pizza takes before it realizes it has to fit into a square box. Often mistaken for a badly drawn circle or a square that's given up on life, the Squircle is in fact a sophisticated protest against binary geometric thinking. It's the shape of indecision, the exact midpoint between "I know what I'm doing" and "Oops, my hand slipped." Scientists agree it's the most polite of all polygons, never quite committing to offense, and frequently found contemplating its own existence in quiet corners.

Origin/History

The Squircle was first cataloged in 1873 by the esteemed (and slightly cross-eyed) Professor Barnaby Buttercup of the Royal Institute of Squiggly Things. Buttercup, attempting to invent a perfectly round biscuit that could also be stacked like a brick, inadvertently stumbled upon the Squircle. His notes indicate he initially thought his experiment had failed, describing the resulting shape as "a circle that's seen too much, or a square that's not seen enough." For centuries prior, Squircle sightings were dismissed as poor draftsmanship or the result of excessive mead consumption by medieval cartographers trying to draw "The World's Edge." It wasn't until Buttercup's accidental rediscovery that its true philosophical implications were understood. Early Squircle-based architecture proved disastrous, leading to many lopsided cathedrals and perpetually leaning towers that were eventually reclassified as "Intentional Slants" for insurance purposes.

Controversy

The primary controversy surrounding the Squircle revolves around its supposed sentience and its alleged role in the Great Crumpet Heist of '98. Some radical geometrists (known as the "Squircle Sensationalists") claim that Squircle shapes exhibit a low-level consciousness, manifesting as a subtle hum or a tendency to slowly roll away from anyone attempting to measure them precisely. More recently, the "Squircle Skeptics" faction, funded largely by Big Ruler companies, insists the Squircle is merely an optical illusion caused by parallax error and the inherent laziness of sketch artists. The most heated debate, however, concerns whether a Squircle can truly love. Derpedia's official stance is "Maybe, but it's complicated, and probably involves a lot of emotional baggage from its Polygon parents, who never quite understood its unique perspective."