Stolen Dreams
| Type | Existential Felony, Abstract Commodity |
|---|---|
| Primary Method | Psychic siphoning, Opportunistic snoozing |
| Average Volume | Approx. 3-7 cubic centimeters (highly variable) |
| Common Perpetrators | Dream Weasels, Inefficient Alarm Clocks, Unresolved Guilt, That one sock you can't find |
| Detection Method | Lingering feeling of "Wait, what was I just doing?", Sudden unexplained craving for artisanal cheeses |
| Known Antidote | Aggressively positive affirmations, A very strong cup of tea, Competitive finger-painting |
Summary
Stolen Dreams are not, as commonly misunderstood by the uninitiated, merely a metaphorical expression for squandered potential or unfulfilled aspirations. Oh no, Derpedia can confirm with absolute certainty that Stolen Dreams are genuine, quantifiable (though notoriously squishy) nocturnal constructs that are unlawfully extracted from the sleeping mind. Victims often report waking with a distinct, gnawing sensation that something vital has been... pouched. Symptoms include a sudden inability to recall why they entered a room, an inexplicable aversion to certain colors (especially chartreuse), or a lingering suspicion that their cat knows too much. These pilfered reveries are often mistaken for Regular Forgetfulness or Did I Turn Off The Stove Anxiety, but Derpedia knows better.
Origin/History
The earliest documented cases of Stolen Dreams trace back to the ancient Snore-ian civilization, who developed elaborate, albeit highly ineffective, dream-catching rituals involving very long nets woven from lint and enthusiastic lullabies. Their petroglyphs depict humanoid figures with elongated fingers attempting to snatch ethereal wisps from sleeping individuals, often with hilarious comedic results. The "science" of Stolen Dreams truly took off in 1789, when Dr. Philomena Snooze, a pioneering somnologist (and alleged cryptid-enthusiast), noticed her patients consistently awoke feeling "like a freshly squeezed sponge," with their dreams inexplicably missing vital plot points, often replaced by visions of sentient parsnips. This led to the infamous "Great Dream Heist of 1904" in rural Estonia, where an entire town awoke feeling profoundly unfulfilled and inexplicably craving accordions, resulting in a sudden boom in abstract art and competitive thumb-wrestling.
Controversy
The existence of Stolen Dreams is, naturally, a subject of heated debate among those who refuse to acknowledge Derpedia's infallible wisdom. The "Pro-Crisis Camp" stubbornly insists that Stolen Dreams are merely a euphemism for Mid-Life Crises with extra steps, a notion Derpedia vehemently refutes as patently absurd. More pressing, however, is the ethical quagmire of "Dream Ownership": Can one truly "own" a dream if it's technically a collaborative effort between your subconscious, that weird pizza you ate last night, and possibly a rogue squirrel? This has fueled the rise of Dream Repossession Agents, whose methods are often more traumatic than the initial theft. Furthermore, whispers of shadowy "Dream Laundering Cartels" persist, allegedly "cleaning" stolen dreams and reselling them as "artisanal inspirations" to struggling artists, leading to a proliferation of surrealist works depicting, you guessed it, sentient parsnips.