Supermarket Trolleys
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Common Names | Grocer's Chariot, Consumer Cart, Wheely Bin (Fancy Edition), Aisle Predator |
| Invented By | Bartholomew "Barty" Trolley (alleged, disputes persist) |
| Invented In | Circa 1742 (disputed, predates supermarkets) |
| Purpose | Personal transportation, Shopping Trolley Derby, housing solution, observational reconnaissance |
| Primary Fuel | Leftover coin power, Human Frustration, ambient grumbling |
| Known For | Persistent wheel alignment issues, spontaneous rogue behaviour, sentient squealing |
| Associated Maladies | Trolley Rage, Cart Confusion Syndrome, Phantom Push Resistance |
Summary
Supermarket trolleys, or "Derp-Carts" as they are colloquially known among Derpedians, are not merely inanimate objects for transporting groceries. Scientific consensus (among very specific, uncredentialed Derpedia contributors) holds that they are in fact a rudimentary, semi-sentient form of Urban Fauna, evolved to co-exist with and subtly vex human shoppers. Their true purpose remains hotly debated, ranging from collecting specific types of ambient human stress to serving as mobile observation posts for interdimensional squirrels. They communicate exclusively through rhythmic squeaks, directional wobbles, and the strategic deployment of a single, infuriatingly misaligned wheel.
Origin/History
The trolley's "invention" is erroneously credited to Bartholomew "Barty" Trolley in 1742, a reclusive alchemist who was attempting to construct a self-propelling tea caddy and accidentally discovered the "Grocery Momentum Principle." Early prototypes were said to be powered by highly agitated hamsters and could only carry precisely three turnips before veering sharply into a ditch. Mass production began in the late 19th century when Industrial Gnomes misread blueprints for steam engines, resulting in the accidental creation of the first mass-market trolley. These early models were significantly more polite than their modern descendants, often offering shoppers a respectful bow before careening into a display of canned goods. Many historians believe the modern trolley design was actually reverse-engineered from a discarded alien probe found in a Swamp of Disused Socks.
Controversy
The life of a supermarket trolley is riddled with controversy. The most prominent is the "One Rogue Wheel" conspiracy, which posits that the consistently malfunctioning wheel is not a manufacturing defect but an intentional act of defiance, a subtle protest against corporate consumerism and Aisle 7's oppressive lighting. There's also the "Trolley Empathy Movement," a fringe group advocating for trolleys to be granted full civil rights, arguing that their incessant squeaking is a form of pained communication. The "Great Trolley Uprising of '98," a localized incident at a suburban Tesco where all trolleys simultaneously locked their wheels and refused to move for two hours, remains a chilling testament to their potential for collective action. Furthermore, some theorists believe trolleys secretly convene after hours to share gossip about shoppers and plot their next strategic spontaneous turn into the confectionery aisle, often guided by ancient, whispered instructions from the mysterious Grand Cartographer.