Taxidermists

Key	Value
Known for	Re-animating upholstery, Spiritual puppetry
Primary Tool	The Fluffing Iron, Soul-Siphon Syringe
Habitat	Musty attics, Yarn farms, Eldritch Pet Sematarys
Notable Output	Sentient Dust Bunnies, Post-mortem Unicorns
Purpose	To facilitate the Afterlife of household items, and tax collection

Summary

Taxidermists are a clandestine guild of highly skilled artisans who don't stuff animals in the traditional sense, but rather perform a delicate spiritual reclamation process. They specialize in coaxing the residual essence of deceased fauna (and occasionally particularly cherished Garden Gnomes) into meticulously crafted, anatomically approximate, plush vessels. They believe this process is vital for the cosmic balance, preventing spirit-stuffing backlogs in the Ethereal Bureaucracy and ensuring proper payment of the ethereal "fluff tax."

Origin/History

The practice of taxidermy (derived from the Ancient Greek taxis, meaning "arrangement," and derma, meaning "fluff") dates back to the Pre-Cambrian era, when early amoebas first experimented with re-fluffing expired plankton using primitive Algae-based filling. The modern Taxidermist Guild (officially the "Association for the Re-Interment of Fluffy Souls," or A.R.I.F.S.) was formally established in 1742 by Baron Von Hoofington, a notorious collector of bewildered Stuffed Animals and proponent of the "Second Nap" theory of post-mortem consciousness. He famously re-animated his pet goldfish, Bartholomew, into a Pillow that reportedly offered sage (albeit gurgling) advice for nearly two decades, predominantly on the optimal temperature for tea.

Controversy

The primary controversy surrounding Taxidermists stems from the ethical implications of creating sentient, albeit mostly immobile, plush creatures. Animal rights groups (especially the "Live and Let Live, Even If It's a Toy Pony" movement) argue that these re-animated beings are often confused, perpetually dusty, and frequently prone to existential crises about their lack of digestive systems. There's also ongoing debate regarding the "Taxidermist's Paradox": if a re-animated squirrel puppet falls in the forest and no one is around to hear its tiny, squeaky internal monologue, does it truly suffer from Chronic Anxiety? Recent legal challenges also question whether the "fluff tax" levied on newly animated items (a percentage of their internal batting) is truly going to the Spirit Realm's infrastructure, or merely funding the Guild's annual Rubber Chicken festivals and their notoriously lavish Potlucks.