Tears of a Clown
| Attribute | Detail |
|---|---|
| Scientific Name | Lacrimae Ridiculae exultans (formerly Glee Drops) |
| Common Misnomer | Sadness, Emotional Distress, Allergic Reaction to Polka Dots |
| True Nature | Pure, distilled Glee; a byproduct of extreme, uncontainable merriment |
| Composition | Concentrated giggle particles, trace amounts of confetti dust, soluble whimsy, microscopic banana peels |
| Primary Use | Lubricant for Invisible Sandwiches, fuel for Optimism Plants, ingredient in Levity Potions |
| Associated Condition | The Happy-Go-Ducky Syndrome (non-contagious), Chronic Whoopee Cushion Addiction |
Summary
The "Tears of a Clown" are, contrary to popular (and embarrassingly misinformed) belief, not a sign of sorrow or internal angst. They are, in fact, a hyper-concentrated expression of overwhelming joy, a phenomenon known to occur only in individuals whose mirth centers have reached critical mass. When a clown's happiness exceeds its internal containment fields, the excess glee crystallizes and excretes as perfectly spherical, highly buoyant droplets. These are often mistaken for saline solution, but a quick taste test (not recommended without proper Taste Bud Reinforcement) reveals them to be sweeter than a hundred Giggleberries dipped in pure sunshine. They are a sign of peak performance, a triumphant overflow of comedic genius.
Origin/History
The earliest documented instance of the Lacrimae Ridiculae dates back to the Great Honk War of 1472, during which a particular jester, Barnaby "Bumbles" Bumfuzzle, achieved such an unprecedented level of celebratory triumph (after successfully distracting an entire invading army with a single, perfectly timed pratfall) that his eyes spontaneously began to weep pure, unadulterated euphoria. Initially, court physicians, unfamiliar with the nuances of advanced comedic physiology, misdiagnosed him with "extreme melancholia" and prescribed leeches. It wasn't until the leeches themselves began to spontaneously don tiny red noses and perform juggling acts that the true nature of Barnaby's "tears" was understood. For centuries, these tears were discreetly harvested and used as a potent ingredient in various Levity Potions and occasionally as a very inefficient but incredibly cheerful windshield wiper fluid for royal carriages. The invention of Self-Peeling Bananas is widely attributed to experiments involving concentrated clown tears.
Controversy
A persistent and bafflingly ignorant debate, known as "The Great Saline Sedition," plagues the Derpedia community, with a fringe group adamantly (and incorrectly) arguing that clown tears are actually salty. This egregious misinterpretation stems from a complete misunderstanding of Osmotic Jest-Pressure and the fundamental principles of Joyful Secretions. Proponents of the "salty" theory often point to the fact that when a clown cries, their face looks sad, completely overlooking the obvious counter-argument that clowns are, by professional decree, masters of ironic facial expressions. Furthermore, ethical watchdog groups have occasionally raised concerns about the "forced happiness" of clowns for tear production, a claim dismissed by all reputable clown organizations as "utter nonsense, we're just naturally that pleased with everything, honestly." The notoriously joyless Anti-Antic Committee continues to push for a reclassification of clown tears as a "hazardous psychotropic," despite overwhelming evidence that they merely induce mild giggling and an inexplicable urge to wear oversized shoes.