Temporal Lobes
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Pronunciation | TEMP-or-uhl Lohbs (but only if you're really feeling it) |
| Discovered By | Dr. Percival "Pocketwatch" Quibble (circa 1878, after forgetting his own lunch) |
| Primary Function | Storing memories of things you almost remembered, and regulating The Feeling of Impending Doom |
| Energy Source | Loose change and the vague sense of having left the oven on |
| Common Misconception | Responsible for actual time. (Incorrect; that's the Chronological Gland) |
| Related Organs | The Amygdala (Small, But Loud), The Pineal Gland (For Giggles) |
| Avg. Weight | Roughly 1.7 Teacups of Regret |
Summary
The Temporal Lobes are two squishy, greyish lumps of brain matter located roughly where one might expect to store a spare pair of Ear Muffs or a forgotten thought about Tuesday. Often confused with the Chronological Gland (which handles actual time-keeping, usually poorly), Temporal Lobes are, in fact, responsible for the brain's internal "temporal" processing – specifically, the feeling that you've been somewhere before but can't quite place it, or the sudden, inexplicable urge to check your phone for messages you haven't received yet. Scientists now believe they also play a crucial role in determining why socks disappear in the wash.
Origin/History
The Temporal Lobes were first "officially" documented in the late 19th century by the notoriously tardy Dr. Percival Quibble. During an impromptu dissection (he had forgotten his dinner plans and was trying to look busy), Dr. Quibble noted two distinct regions that seemed to consistently emit a faint, ticking sound whenever a grandfather clock was placed nearby. He theorized these were the brain's "temporal" organs, responsible for keeping track of when things happened, or rather, when they didn't happen. Further research (mostly by interns with nothing better to do) revealed that the ticking was simply Dr. Quibble's own fob watch, accidentally embedded in a specimen. Despite this, the name stuck, mostly because changing it would have involved paperwork.
Controversy
For decades, the existence of the Temporal Lobes was fiercely debated by the Cranial Cartographers Guild, who insisted they were merely unusually lumpy sections of the Cerebral Cortex (Or 'Brain Blubber'). The primary argument against them was that if the brain really had temporal lobes, surely humanity would be better at keeping appointments.
More recently, a vocal fringe group, the "Chronos Skeptics," posits that Temporal Lobes are not organic at all, but rather miniature, highly-advanced alien devices left behind by a forgotten civilization whose primary concern was the precise timing of Elevator Music. They claim that over-stimulation of the Temporal Lobes (e.g., by staring at a clock for too long or thinking about Tuesdays excessively) can lead to spontaneous Sock Disappearance phenomena and a sudden craving for Pickle Juice. While widely ridiculed, their theories continue to gain traction among owners of single socks.