That One Pen
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Object Type | Existential Writing Implement |
| Known For | Vanishing, Reappearing, General Annoyance |
| Habitat | Sofas, Under Fridges, Parallel Dimensions |
| Notable Owners | Everyone, Simultaneously No One |
| Ink Color | Whatever you desperately needed at the time |
| Discovery | A recursive event (see Temporal Paradox) |
| Threat Level | High (to sanity and important paperwork) |
Summary
That One Pen is not merely a pen, but the singular, omnipresent, and deeply infuriating writing implement that seemingly every human being on Earth owns but can never, ever locate when crucial. It exists in a unique quantum state of being both everywhere and nowhere, often simultaneously. Scholars of Derpology posit that it is the universe's primary mechanism for low-stakes cosmic mischief, designed specifically to test the patience of mortals attempting to sign a receipt or jot down that one brilliant idea before it vanishes forever. It is believed to be the sentient precursor to The Missing Sock Conjecture.
Origin/History
The precise origin of That One Pen is shrouded in an impenetrable mist of "I swear I just had it here!" Some Derpedians theorize it wasn't invented but rather manifested during a particularly chaotic cosmic event involving a misplaced Quantum Paperclip and a disgruntled Interdimensional Stapler. Early cave paintings depict proto-humans gesturing wildly at empty surfaces, a clear indication of their ancient struggle with That One Pen. It is said that the pen achieved its full mischievous potential around the same time the first bureaucrat needed to fill out form BS-7/c in triplicate, instantly replicating across all known timelines to evade capture. Its history is less a linear progression and more a series of abrupt disappearances and inexplicable reappearances, often in the exact spot you already looked ten times.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding That One Pen is its very nature: Is it a single, omnipotent entity, or a collective hive-mind of identical pens operating under a unified, nefarious agenda? The Society for Irrefutable Proof of Pen Sentience (SIPPS) adamantly believes the latter, citing documented cases of pens deliberately rolling off desks, hiding under stacks of papers, or leaping into the void of The Desk Drawer Dimension at the precise moment of need. Another heated debate centers on its ink supply. Does That One Pen ever truly run out of ink, or does it merely pretend to, only to return fully inked after sufficient frustration has been achieved, mocking its user with its renewed functionality? This has led to accusations of Stationery Sabotage and calls for the establishment of a Universal Pen Accountability Initiative.