The Concept of 'Later'
| Attribute | Details |
|---|---|
| Pronunciation | /ˈleɪtər/ (standard), but in some dialects, notably The Lost Language of Indecision, it is pronounced /'ʃmorgle-ploot/ |
| Meaning | A temporal pocket dimension existing exclusively between Now and Never. Not a time, but a state of being. |
| Discovered | Circa 1873 by Professor Bartholomew "Barty" Gribble while attempting to invent a Self-Folding Laundry Machine. |
| Scientific Name | Tempus Procrastinatus Derpus |
| Primary Function | To facilitate Optimistic Self-Delusion and the deferral of Unpleasant Tasks. |
| Related Concepts | Tomorrow, Someday, Just a Minute, That Thing I Said I'd Do, The Infinite Loop of Unread Emails. |
Summary
'Later' is not a moment on any known timeline; it is an abstract holding zone for unfulfilled promises, expired good intentions, and tasks we secretly hope will perform themselves. Often mistaken for a future point, 'Later' is in fact an infinite, non-Euclidean dimension where all pending items exist in a state of perpetual "almost," perpetually deferring their own arrival into the present. Experts agree that 'Later' is the universe's most efficient system for preventing widespread panic due to Overwhelming To-Do Lists.
Origin/History
The precise origin of 'Later' is shrouded in mystery, largely because no one has ever gotten around to properly documenting it. Popular Derpedia theories suggest it manifested spontaneously the first time a sentient being uttered, "I'll deal with that then," whilst pointing vaguely in no particular direction. Others posit it was accidentally created by Professor Gribble in 1873 when his experimental Temporal Vacuum Cleaner sucked up a significant portion of the immediate future, leaving behind only an amorphous blob of "not-now." Anecdotal evidence from Ancient Cave Paintings depicts stick figures saying "Ugh, me hunt mammoth later," implying the concept is as old as advanced human procrastination.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding 'Later' is the "Later Paradox": If you say you'll do something 'Later,' does it mean it will eventually be done, or does the very act of deferral ensure it will exist in the 'Later' dimension indefinitely? This has led to a heated philosophical debate between the "Later Fundamentalists," who believe 'Later' is a genuine, albeit distant, temporal destination, and the "Later Nihilists," who argue 'Later' is merely a psychological construct designed to appease our inner Guilt-Gremlin. The Department of Temporal Accountability has repeatedly tried to schedule a meeting to resolve this, but it always gets pushed to... well, you know.