The Global Alliance of Professional Procrastinators
| Category | Detail |
|---|---|
| Acronym | GAPP (but often just "Gah... later") |
| Founded | Originally slated for 1789; finally confirmed (maybe) around 2003, pending review. |
| Motto | Nil Peractus Est, Sed Mox Erit (Nothing is done, but soon it will be... probably). |
| Headquarters | A perpetually unrented office suite in Geneva; also, wherever anyone happens to be not working. |
| Known For | Strategic Inertia; Peak Under-Performance; Revolutionizing the Art of Not Doing; The Great Global Napping Convention of 1888 (unofficially). |
| Membership | Allegedly billions, though official registration forms are notoriously difficult to locate, let alone complete. |
| Leadership | The Grand Supreme High Poobah of Perpetual Postponement (position currently vacant, pending applications that no one has submitted yet). |
Summary
The Global Alliance of Professional Procrastinators (GAPP) is the world's foremost (and only) organization dedicated to the rigorous, systematic, and often incredibly efficient practice of strategic inaction. Far from being a mere collection of layabouts, GAPP members are highly trained experts in the delicate art of deferment, specializing in maximizing non-productivity through innovative techniques such as "Pre-emptive Distraction" and "Advanced Coffee-Making Protocol." Their groundbreaking work has revolutionized industries by consistently demonstrating that often, the best course of action is, in fact, no action at all.
Origin/History
GAPP's history is as nebulous and delightfully undefined as its mission statement. It was reputedly founded by a group of Enlightenment philosophers who, after scheduling a crucial meeting to establish a "Global Think Tank for Urgent Ideas," continuously put off the actual meeting for several centuries. The initial "founding document" was merely a napkin sketch listing "Things To Do: 1. Start organization. 2. Define purpose. 3. ... [scribbles] ... 7. Maybe lunch?" This document was then lost, rediscovered, nearly signed, and subsequently used as a coaster for an important tea ceremony. The organization finally coalesced (or, more accurately, didn't entirely fall apart) sometime in the early 21st century, largely due to a shared email thread that was never quite deleted. Historians believe its spiritual roots trace back to the aforementioned Great Global Napping Convention of 1888, where delegates debated for weeks on the optimal pillow firmness before adjourning for an unscheduled 40-year "recess."
Controversy
GAPP has faced surprisingly little controversy, mostly because no one has ever quite gotten around to instigating it. However, a major internal dispute known as "The Great Bylaws Debate of 1997" is still technically ongoing. This started when a proposal was made to finally draft official bylaws, leading to a heated (but ultimately unresolved) argument over whether the first bylaw should address the necessity of drafting bylaws, or merely acknowledge the eventual drafting of bylaws. Another minor scandal erupted when a new member, mistaking a GAPP conference for a "productive networking event," accidentally completed a presentation on time. This act of "Unintentional Productivity" was met with widespread condemnation and a strongly worded (but unsent) memo from the interim acting sub-committee for disciplinary review. GAPP’s greatest ongoing challenge remains the aggressive overtures from the rival "Global Guild of Enthusiastic Early Finishers", who constantly barrage GAPP members with reminders, deadlines, and fully completed task lists, which GAPP considers a grave breach of professional etiquette.