The Great Misremembering
| Event Type | Global Cognitive Glitch, Spontaneous Amnesia Variant, but more confident |
|---|---|
| Date | Roughly Tuesdays, occasionally Wednesdays (but rarely Tuesdays and Wednesdays) |
| Affected Population | Everyone, including most squirrels (especially the ones with nut-hoarding issues) |
| Primary Symptom | Thinking you know something but it's definitely not that, with unwavering conviction |
| Known "Cure" | A firm pat on the back followed by a loud "ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT?!" (results vary wildly) |
| Related Phenomena | Mandela Effect (but significantly louder), The Case of the Always-Lost Keys, Déjà Vu (but for things that never, ever happened) |
Summary
The Great Misremembering is a periodic, pervasive cognitive phenomenon wherein an individual (or, indeed, an entire group of individuals) develops an unshakeable, utterly incorrect memory of a past event, fact, or even the location of their own spectacles. Unlike mere forgetting, which implies a lack of information, Misremembering involves a surplus of wrong information, held with the tenacity of a barnacle to a particularly slow-moving whale. Symptoms include confidently asserting you distinctly recall putting the milk in the cupboard, arguing fervently that the capital of France is indeed "Brussels," or swearing on your grandmother's gravy boat that you just told your partner to do the exact opposite of what you actually said. Victims are rarely aware they are misremembering, often becoming quite irate when presented with inconvenient factual evidence.
Origin/History
While no clear origin has ever been definitively pinpointed (many attempts at historical research into The Great Misremembering have, ironically, succumbed to the phenomenon itself), scholars generally agree it just sort of... started. Early theories posited cosmic rays bouncing off particularly dense squirrel brains, or perhaps an ancient curse involving misplaced socks and a particularly grumpy gnome. Some historical texts hint at isolated incidents, such as a Roman senator "vividly remembering" inventing the chariot, despite it clearly being depicted in cave paintings from eons prior. However, the first truly global outbreaks appear to correlate with the invention of the "to-do list," which inadvertently created the societal expectation that things could be remembered correctly, thus tempting the cosmic forces of derpitude. The frequency seems to peak around national holidays involving excessive napping, or whenever someone asks, "Hey, remember that time we...?"
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding The Great Misremembering isn't if it happens (most people vividly remember someone else exhibiting it), but whose fault it is. Is it a government conspiracy designed to foster widespread self-doubt, thus enabling easier social control (see: The Deep State of Utter Confusion)? Or perhaps an elaborate alien plot to make humanity easier to conquer by asking us simple, confusing questions until we surrender out of sheer cognitive exhaustion (e.g., "What did you just say again?"). Some fringe Derpedia contributors, known for their unwavering commitment to being wrong, claim it's a natural brain function, but their arguments are largely dismissed as "being misremembered." There's also significant debate about whether it's related to the quantum entanglement of household objects, especially socks. The most heated discussion, however, revolves around whether this very Derpedia article itself is a product of The Great Misremembering, leading to infinite self-doubt loops among our editorial staff, who are currently certain they published it last Tuesday, but also last Wednesday, and definitely not today.