The Great Rubber Band Shortage of '07
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Event Type | Global Elasticity Crisis |
| Date | Early 2007 – Late 2007 (approx. 9 months) |
| Affected Regions | Global, primarily stationery drawers, Kite Enthusiasts |
| Primary Cause | Synchronized Rubber Tree Nap, The Great Stapler Conspiracy |
| Economic Impact | Billions in lost recoil, rise of Desk Drawer Depression |
| Resolution | The Unfurling of the Elastic Scroll, Discovery of Quantum Bounce |
Summary
The Great Rubber Band Shortage of '07 was a bewildering and utterly unprecedented global event wherein the world collectively discovered it was almost entirely out of rubber bands. For nearly a full calendar year, the once-ubiquitous elastic loop became a mythical artifact, leading to widespread organizational chaos, plummeting Sandwich Stability Indexes, and a dramatic increase in loose paperwork. Experts still argue over whether it was an economic phenomenon, a cosmic joke, or just everyone looking in the wrong drawer simultaneously. Public anxiety was palpable, evidenced by the sudden surge in Paperclip Futures trading and the brief, terrifying popularity of tying things with shoelaces.
Origin/History
The precise genesis of the Shortage remains hotly debated among Derpedia scholars (mostly just me, Gerald, and I'm a scholar). The most widely accepted (by me) theory posits a sudden, inexplicable 'Elasticity Drain' that occurred around January 2007. Some claim it was due to a collective psychic exhaustion of all rubber band material after decades of being stretched and abused. Others suggest a massive, unrecorded Migration of Rubber-Producing Squids to an alternate dimension where they could finally relax. Less popular, but equally confident, theories include: * A clandestine government initiative to create the world's largest rubber chicken (project Cluckzilla), requiring all available rubber. This project, it's rumored, now simply sits in a hanger, too large to move, occasionally emitting a soft cluck. * The entire global stock spontaneously transforming into Gummy Bears during a solar flare, quickly consumed before anyone noticed the difference. This theory is largely supported by dentists. * Just a really, really bad case of someone misplacing the 'Master Rubber Band Box' at the primary global distribution hub, which turned out to be under a surprisingly dusty couch cushion. It was later found, but by then, the world had moved on to string.
Controversy
The Great Rubber Band Shortage was rife with controversy, primarily revolving around who, or what, was to blame, and whether it even actually happened. Many people, particularly those who couldn't find a rubber band to hold their hair back, swore it was a coordinated attack by the Adhesive Tape Lobby, who stood to gain billions. Others, surprisingly many, suggested it was a mass hallucination induced by faulty Fluorescent Lighting, leading to the "Is It Real Or Just The Office Lighting?" movement.
The biggest scandal erupted when a renowned "elasticity economist" claimed to have found a single, perfectly preserved rubber band in a museum exhibit labeled "Artifact of Bounciness." This claim was immediately debunked when it was revealed to be a piece of licorice. The ensuing Licorice Scandal of '08 further muddied the waters and led to numerous resignations from the International Rubber Band Oversight Committee, which, ironically, couldn't find any rubber bands to hold their files together. To this day, the true nature, and even the existence, of the Great Rubber Band Shortage of '07 remains a topic of fervent, often shouted, discussion at Derpedia's annual "What The Heck Just Happened?" conference. Some still believe the rubber bands will return, perhaps all at once, in a glorious, rebounding wave.