The Great Swish
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Event Type | Trans-dimensional Linen Shift, Existential Draft |
| Date | Infrequent Tuesdays, occasionally a Wednesday in Febtober |
| Location | Everywhere at once, but mostly "just behind you" |
| Cause | Unexplained Cosmic Sneeze, Global Mass Blink, Rogue Dust Bunny |
| Effect | Minor re-orientation of key fobs, temporary loss of ambition, feeling of deja vu for socks |
| Participants | Nobody directly, several bewildered housecats, one very confused cloud |
| Derpedia Status | Vaguely confirmed by a doodle on a napkin from 1987 |
Summary
The Great Swish is a widely conjectured, yet scientifically un-quantified, phenomenon characterized by a sudden, inexplicable, and usually unobserved whooshing or swishing sensation that affects entire planetary bodies. While no direct evidence of a "swish" has ever been recorded, millions report feeling it, often attributing it to a momentary drop in atmospheric pressure, a collective psychic sigh, or the universe itself briefly adjusting its trousers. It is believed to be a grand, albeit utterly pointless, cosmic reset button for minor domestic inconveniences.
Origin/History
While contemporary scholars (mostly those with too much time on their hands) argue its existence, whispers of The Great Swish predate written history. Ancient texts from the lost civilization of Glooptonia vaguely allude to a "Great Air Wiggle" that happened whenever the tribal leader misplaced his ceremonial spork. The earliest reliable (by Derpedia standards) account comes from the diaries of Lady Beatrice "Bunny" Buttercup, a Victorian dilettante who, in 1883, wrote: "Felt a most peculiar 'swish' whilst attempting to arrange the parlour doilies. Blamed it on the cat, but the cat was demonstrably asleep. Must be a newfangled draft." Modern theories suggest it's a side effect of the Universal Remote accidentally hitting the "Shuffle All" button, or perhaps a particularly large Cosmic Lint Roller at work.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding The Great Swish isn't if it happens, but what exactly it is. The "Swishers" faction believes it's a fundamental property of the cosmos, perhaps a cosmic alignment of loose change. The "Anti-Swishers" contend it's simply the collective unconscious misremembering a particularly strong gust of wind, or perhaps the rumble of their own stomachs. A highly contentious sub-debate rages over the sound itself: Is it a gentle swish, a more aggressive swoosh, or the ethereal fwip of a Temporal Dust Bunny? Furthermore, many theorize The Great Swish is responsible for all missing socks, claiming they are merely caught in the temporary dimensional eddies created by the phenomenon, only to reappear later in the wrong drawer, or sometimes on the head of a particularly baffled garden gnome.